


Shelf Ice Meander

by Simarillion



Series: Glaciology! Verse [5]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-04-03
Updated: 2010-04-03
Packaged: 2017-10-08 16:31:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 30,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/77539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Simarillion/pseuds/Simarillion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What does it take to break you? (Of betrayals and broken trust)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: None of the herein presented happenings and events are true. Everything is 100% fiction and that includes the sexuality of the characters. I don't claim to be in the know about their relations and private affairs, and I don't make any money with the creation of this story.
> 
> A/N: This is part 5 of the Glaciology! 'verse. Jensen is a scientist in the field of glaciology and he spends most of his time surrounded by ice, whereas Jared is a Hollywood movie star. Prequel to this story are Invisible Glaciers, Iceberg Anatomy, Avalanches Approaching, and Crevasse Rescue.

Jensen's second stint at UA is in the same week as Christmas. Both the students, as well as the teachers, are in a holiday mood and the course is far less informative than Jensen intends it to be. It's just really hard to keep people focused with everyone looking forward to going home and spending some time away from college.

Like last time, he stays with Danneel. When she picks him up from the airport she informs him that a couple of her colleagues are already waiting at the pub. So their pub crawling starts even before his first day at UA. Jensen refuses to think about what kind of impression he's giving. The last couple of weeks since Thanksgiving were depressing enough, and he's of the opinion that he's deserved all the beer that he can get his hands on.

As it turns out Danneel's colleagues are Dr. Kripke, the department's secretary, Julie, and Dr. Kripke's over-worked TA, Richard. Their arrival is greeted with raised pints and soon Jensen and Danneel have their own glasses to raise.

Even though the three days of the course are very taxing and exhausting, with Jensen spending eight to ten hours talking in front of the students, he enjoys the time. During his start at Stanford and UA, Jensen discovered that he likes teaching Even if it doesn't leave him with enough time to join long term expeditions and projects, he gets to mold future generations of scientists.

The expedition during Spring break is coming along nicely. After some ambiguous feelings about joining the trek to the Northwest Territories, Kerr, who has been helping Jensen with the preparations for the expedition, is even more excited than Jensen about it.

On Jensen's second day in Edmonton he gets a call from David who wants to know if Jensen is interested into not only organizing and promoting the next two projects of AE, but if he actually wants to participate in them as an active expedition member. At first Jensen wants to decline, but after thinking about it for a moment he agrees to join them on _Toxico_ and the so far nameless plastic bottle ship project.

The second expedition has Chuck especially excited. Being the resident specialist on Marine Ecology at Stanford, he loves the idea about building a ship out of plastic bottles and to use it to sail across the Pacific Ocean.

The prospects of spending two weeks in March in the North, and going to the Ecuadorian jungle in summer, keep Jensen going. At times when the prolonged silence between him and Jared is getting too much for him, Jensen imagines himself with the team in Alaska, crossing vast white fields of snow and ice. It has him long for the Polar Regions but it lifts his mood.

After Jensen's last day at UA before the holidays, Danneel insists that they try out some new bar that opened two weeks ago across the pub. It's a modern establishment and Jensen feels out of place with his jeans and checkered flannel shirt. Usually he doesn't care about clothes, but when everyone around is dressed in preppy but understated clothes, he wants to turn around and leave.

Danneel's hand on his arm prevents his flight though, and she drags him deeper into the chrome and glass of the bar's interior. The tables are small and low and there are leather couches and bar stools to sit on. Jensen really can't decide what looks to be more uncomfortable, hunching over the low tables next to the couches, or perching on the bar stools like some kind of bird.

They sit down on the couches, and Jensen thinks that at least he can sit without wondering if he'll fall off. One look at the card has him wish for the pub across the street. It's cocktails and wine, and fancy waters. He skims the list of beers, but when he only finds brands that he either doesn't like, or doesn't know, he reluctantly returns to the cocktail part of the card.

Names like _Screaming Orgasm_, _Sex on the Beach_, and _Slippery Nipples_ makes him wonder how he's ever going to order a drink. The embarrassment factors of ordering one of the cocktails has him pick a Whiskey Sour. At least he won't sound like an idiot saying that name.

The wait staff is quick and very friendly, but so far that's the only positive thing Jensen has noticed about the bar. As uncomfortable and out of place Jensen feels, Danneel loves everything, pointing out small details that make this place so special. When their drinks are served, and she takes the first sip of her Cucumber Margarita, her praises won't end.

Jensen is trying hard to let some of his friend's enthusiasm rub off on him, when someone crashes into their couch. The impact almost has him spill the entire contents of his glass over his jeans and the front of his shirt. It would have been a terrible waste, because the drink is really good.

He sets the glass down on the table they're sitting at, and turns to the person who's the cause of all of it. The guy is tall, taller than Jensen, but not as tall as Jared (this flashes quickly through his mind). There's an embarrassed look on his face, and he holds out a handful of the napkins off the bar counter.

"I'm so sorry." The stranger almost forces the napkins on Jensen. "I was pushed, and I couldn't stop it."

"S'okay." Jensen takes two of the offered paper napkins and wipes the table and the glass of his drink dry.

He's more than willing to let it go at that, ignore that this situation has occurred, but the guy just can't. Jensen suddenly finds himself sitting next to the stranger who's clearly determined on making it up to him. Even if Jensen doesn't want him to.

"I'll buy you a new drink." The guy calls a waiter over. "What were you having?"

"A Whiskey Sour." The order placed, Jensen tries to ignore the person next to him.

It's Danneel who takes over for him, and starts a lively conversation with the guy. This is how Jensen finds out that '_the guy_' is called Sean, and that he's not from Edmonton originally. Furthermore, he's informed about Sean's work (high school teacher), the place he lives (an apartment just around the corner), and his marital status (single). Additonally, Sean has a cat and goes to church (he's very religious).

When the never-ending info-session about Sean takes a break, because he's got to go to the bathroom, Danneel leans over to Jensen. She checks if Sean is out of hearing range and then growls at Jensen.

"Jensen, why are you torturing the poor guy like that?" There's a reprimanding tone to her voice, and she's glaring at him.

"What?" Jensen doesn't understand how he could have done anything to the guy; he hasn't even talked to him. "What did I do?"

Danneel sighs and rolls her eyes. She always does this when she's exasperated with Jensen, when she thinks that he's an idiot (intentionally or not).

"Sean's got the hots for you, and you're just sitting there and letting the poor guy torture himself,." At the first comment Jensen snorts, but when his friend continues to glare at him, Jensen starts to wonder if she's right.

"He never indicated that he might be interested." His reply is little defensive. It's just that it feels like Danneel is cornering him.

"He didn't have to. It was obvious." If it was that obvious, how come Jensen never noticed? He wonders what Danneel is basing her assumption on. "Just tell him that you're taken, and stop Sean from resorting to more drastic measures to get your attention."

He's shocked to realize that, for a second, he wants to say that he's not taken. But then he reminds himself that even though Jared hasn't got any time these days, and their interactions are scarce at best, Jensen is still off the market in the sex or the relationship department.

Sean seems to pick up on the change in moods right away. He talks some more with Danneel, trying to get Jensen to join in. However, when Jensen grows more uncomfortable with every minute Sean stays at their table, he cuts his losses, and wishes them a nice night out.

"You're pathetic." Are Danneel's first words after Sean has left them. "You could have at least let him down kindly."

"What did you want me to do? Talk relationship stuff with a stranger? I don't like doing that with friends and family, much less with a person I don't know." His sullen retort does nothing to get him back into Danneel's good graces, and for the next thirty minutes she only glares at him.

They don't stay that much longer. The last day before the holidays had been long, and Jensen's lack of sleep every time he stays with his friend, hasn't helped. Add to that the drinks they've been having, and the emotional turmoil, and Jensen feels like he'll fall asleep sitting on the preppy couch in the middle of the bar.

On their walk up the block to Danneel's apartment, Jensen has his friend forgive him for his unfair treatment of Sean, joking about Jensen's animal magnetism. Danneel has some very strange ideas of how Jensen could use his newfound powers, but he refuses to even think about them. Sometimes his friend's mind is a very scary place.

He welcomes the rest the couch in Danneel's living room promises, and he falls asleep without even getting out of his clothes. The next morning when he wakes up, his back is aching from the strange position he slept in, and his clothes are wrinkled and sweaty. His mouth tastes like something died in it, as he gets up and stumbles into the bathroom, equally needing to relieve his bladder and get rid of the foul taste in his mouth.

"Nice." Jensen looks up from brushing his teeth, the toothbrush shoved in his cheek, and finds his friend leaning against the door jamb. "I've seen dead animals look better than you do right now."

Spitting out the foam, Jensen snorts. "Like you look any better."

Danneel just flips him the bird and heads for the kitchen to prepare the coffee they so desperately need. While he finishes getting ready, the scent of freshly brewed coffee starts to fill the air, and soon the smell of toast and eggs joins in.

After returning to human, Jensen joins his friend in the kitchen. The breakfast is already on the small table that's wedged against the wall opposite the stove They sit down, eagerly wolfing down the food and drinking the whole pot of coffee, plus another that was made.

Once they are fed, Jensen cleans the kitchen while Danneel brushes her teeth and washes her face, getting ready for the day. Jensen's bags are already packed and waiting next to the door. So, when the dishes are stacked into the washer, Danneel declares that she's fit to be seen in public and they head out for the airport.

Jensen's not as early as the last time, so he just gets a Snapple at Starbucks and a magazine for the flight, before he heads for his terminal. There's a long queue of people waiting to board the plane, and it takes Jensen almost half an hour before he is seated next to the window, waiting to fly back to San Francisco.

The day after tomorrow is Christmas and Jensen has barely enough time to get everything settled for his flight to Dallas, before he has to leave again. Mrs. Gabbles eagerly agreed to feed the cats, and Dean has had his check-up with the doctor the week before. Tom offered to drive them to the airport with Jensen's car, and pick them up a week later. Jensen's going to celebrate New Year's with his friends in San Francisco.

Unlike last time, the person next to Jensen is not afraid of flying so the travel is rather nice. Jensen is able to catch up on some more sleep. When the flight assistant wakes him up to have him fasten his seat belt, Jensen feels much better. He's starting to look forward to seeing his family.

Since neither Tom nor Mike have the time to pick him up, Jensen takes a cab to his house, which probably costs him more than leaving his own car in the airport garage for the duration of his stay in Edmonton. He pays the driver and lugs his bags over to the front door. He can hear Dean barking inside, happy that Jensen's back.

Jensen barely manages to get the door open before the husky bowls him over, covering his face with doggy kisses. The enthusiastic welcome has him laugh loudly, hugging and petting the dog, who does his best to keep Jensen on the floor.

"Yeah, I missed you too." Once Dean has calmed down somewhat, Jensen climbs back on his feet and picks up the bags he dropped when sixty pounds of canine hit him. Sidestepping Dean's antics, he leads them into the house and closes the door behind them.

Everything's just as he left it, except the small stack of letters and brochures on the dresser in the hall. He ignores the mail, and carries the luggage into the bedroom, where he opens them, and adds some of the items (mostly toiletries) to the large bags for his trip to Dallas and carries them downstairs.

After work, Tom will drive over and pick them up. The flight leaves at seven, and Jensen wants to be ready when his friend shows up.

Dean's in the kitchen eating kibble out of his bowl. He looks up when Jensen enters but goes back to eating when Jensen opens the fridge and takes out a bottle of water. Calmly, the two of them stay in the kitchen. Half an hour before Tom's scheduled to show up, Jensen shrugs into a sweater and goes for a short walk with Dean.

Once they are back, he installs the kennel into the truck, and loads the bags into the back. He's finishing checking the house to see if everything's turned off and locked up, when Tom's car pulls up to the curb, and his friend gets out.

"Ready to go?" Tom is smiling at him, petting Dean who ran up to him to greet the other human.

"Yeah, ready to head out again." He smiles sheepishly at his friend. "I can't believe I'm flying from Edmonton to San Francisco, and then to Dallas, all in one day."

"Well, shows how important you are." The comment has him roll his eyes.

"Funny." Tom just laughs at him and climbs into the car while Jensen has Dean get into the kennel. The dog safely stowed away, Jensen gets into the front seat and watches Tom start the truck and pull away from Jensen's house.

"How's Danneel doing?" Tom and Mike don't know her in person, but from Jensen's tales they often say they feel like she's a friend of theirs as well.

"She loves working at UA." And it's true. Danneel likes her colleagues and during his stay with her, she hadn't been able to stop talking about what a great boss Dr. Kripke is. Jensen teased her that she's got a crush on her superior. It had earned him a whack on the back of his head.

"Is she going to be on the expedition team during Spring Break as well?" They are taking the on-ramp to the express highway. Tom changes lanes, passing a large truck.

"No, she said that she wants to visit her family during Spring Break. She didn't get to during summer and at Thanksgiving, and now Christmas they are visiting friends in Europe." Jensen had asked Danneel why she didn't join them, but his friend had just said that she wasn't interested in flying twelve to sixteen hours just to spend the holidays with some aunt and uncle she doesn't like in the first place. Instead she's visiting a friend from college, and stays for the holidays.

"Where's her family from?" The question has Jensen think, because even though they talked about it, he can't remember which one their primary residence is. Her parents have a house just outside New York City, and an apartment in Chicago.

"Uh, I think that her dad's from Chicago, and they still live there, but they also have a house in some village in Suffolk County. If I remember correctly, they want to move there once her dad retires." A whine from the back of the car has Jensen turn around and check on Dean. The husky looks at him balefully. "Sorry Dean, but it's going to be some time before you can run around again. But we're going to see Mac and Josh, and my parents."

The dog whines again but settles down. Usually Dean is rather behaved while traveling, not complaining about the vet before a journey, the stays in the kennel, or the chaos of airports, , but there are also times when he doesn't deal with the traveling so well.

"He okay?" Tom is glancing into the rear view mirror, trying to see what is going on in the back.

"He wants to get out." Jensen turns around in his seat and looks at the husky, who gives him the best puppy dog look he can manage. "Sorry pal, but it'll be over before you know it."

Jensen stays like this for the rest of the drive to the airport, talking to Dean and trying to calm him down. When they check the husky in, he's mostly okay with the situation again, and Jensen hopes that the stay in the cargo department will not excite him too much.

He says his goodbye and his thanks to Tom, who promises to pick him up in a week . Jensen still has his newspaper from the flight in the morning, but he gets a magazine as well. It's a journal of _Scientific America_, and on the cover an interesting headline about climate observation and interpretation has him stop to buy the magazine.

The line waiting at the terminal is almost as long as the one in Edmonton and Jensen patiently waits to board. Once he's sitting in his seat, and the flight attendants are finished with the safety instructions, Jensen takes out the new iPod he got with his sister, plugs the player into his ears, and flips the journal open.

Just as he's starting on the article about swarm intelligence and its applications in computer programming, the plane starts its engines. He closes the magazine and leans back into the seat. In three hours he'll be in Dallas with his family and after that he'll be back in San Francisco to celebrate New Years with Tom and Mike. Jensen doesn't need Jared to have a good time.

Now if only he could stop thinking about Jared, and stop caring about the distance between them (physically and emotionally).


	2. Chapter 2

After Christmas Jensen and Jared start to reconnect. They still see each other only once every couple of weeks, mostly due to Jared's insane schedule, but they are talking on the phone and Jared even drives up with the dogs after his stint as the host of the Oscars. Jensen starts to forget about the worries that had been eating at him during November and December, and he enjoys the time he gets to spend with Jared.

His first semester as a teacher wraps up and Jensen agrees to stay for spring as well, even tentatively talking about next fall. Dean Madsen is happy about keeping her glaciology expert and the EESS department is slowly being restructured to create a branch of Polar Environmental Systems.

The agreement to an extension of his work at Stanford has also the effect that he can finally really settle down. Even though he had bought and restored the house, the uncertainty about what will happen once the semester is over. Now he knows that he's going to stay.

In his second semester at Stanford, Jensen teaches two courses and a seminar, and he asks Kerr to take on the job of being his TA. The young man is beside himself with happiness, and promises to spend all his time on helping his professor with the increased workload.

Tom and Mike tease him about the crush the student has on Jensen. Every time he tries to defend Kerr's actions, they cackle and tease Jensen some more about the true love at the EESS department. In the end Jensen opts to ignore their jokes. The more he protests the longer they will keep going on about it.

Shortly before Spring Break, David calls him and tells him about an AE meeting about their summer project. Jensen offers to meet at Stanford, so Chuck can participate as well. The other professor has been asking him nonstop about the progress of the expedition.

So, when Jensen packs his bags for the trip up North to the Northwest Territories, his private and work life have reached a summit that has Jensen content and happy. Even the loss of living in the midst of snow and ice is easily born if he's this pleased with everything.

Kerr travels for the first time so far North, and the last two weeks before their departure he constantly checks with Jensen about appropriate attire and gear for their expedition. Never before has Jensen been so up-to-date (all the time) on weather conditions and travel details. His TA informs him daily, if not semi-daily, about changes (or the lack of changes).

Dean is staying with Mike and Tom this time. Jensen wanted to take the husky with him, but it was decided that traveling will be done by snow mobiles and not by dog sleds. It would only be a hindrance for the group, and it would be uncomfortable for the dog as well, if Jensen insisted on bringing Dean.

Mike is actually the one who takes Jensen to the airport. He's insisted on it, in the hopes of meeting Jensen's TA. Mike has been accusing Jensen of keeping the young man from them. Truthfully, Jensen has done his best to keep Tom and Mike from getting Kerr in their fingers. This is one experience the student wouldn't recover from.

When his friend meets the young man, he pretends to be a normal human being (unlike the crazy person he), and curiously asks about Kerr's field experience and hope for this trip.

Jensen ignores Mike and Kerr in the favor of calling Jared before they leave. Since he will be without reception for the next two weeks. Jared had said that he would be at work (some kind of photo shoot and a short promo movie), but he picks up after just two rings.

"Hey!" Jared is slightly breathless.

"Hi. Am I interrupting?" Jensen keeps an eye on Mike and Kerr, noticing the 'friendly' arm Mike has around the other's shoulder. Knowing his friend so well, he knows that Mike is up to something.

The next time Mike glances over at Jensen, he glares threateningly at his friend, but Mike just grins and turns back to Kerr.

"Naw, we're on a break because there's some trouble with the lights." Jensen can hear Jared closing a door. "I'm actually in my room. I get to leave them arguing about spotlights, shades of light, and anything else light related ."

Jared's words have him laugh. Jensen feels warmth spreading in his chest as he thinks about Jared and the way he has become so important to him.

"Well, that sounds really serious." He turns away from Kerr and Mike to keep the latter from prying into Jensen's call. All of his friends, Chris, Danneel, Mike, and Tom, hadn't been too happy about Jensen's willingness to forget about Jared's indifference and coldness. They had argued that Jensen is going too easy on Jared, and that he'll eventually have to pay for it.

But Jensen refuses to carry a grudge. He likes spending time with Jared (conversationally and physically) and it goes against everything he is, to keep his distance, just to prove a point. Besides, he's got faith in Jared. Jensen believes that he has realized how hurtful his actions had been, and that he'll refrain from repeating the mistakes he made.

"Yeah." Jared snorts amused. "Like you won't believe. So, you already at the airport?"

"Just arrived. Mike drove me, and he's torturing my TA." Though, from the looks of it, Kerr enjoys talking with Mike though. At least he doesn't have this frightened look in his eyes that some people get when they meet Mike for the first time.

"Your friends are weird." At that Jensen cringes. He knows that it's somewhat his fault that Jared and his friends never met, but he doesn't understand where the dislike comes from. It's not like they ever had the chance to have a disagreement in the first place.

"D'you still have the time to visit once I'm back from the trip?" Jensen really hopes that Jared won't sign some last minute contract, and be gone for weeks, without seeing him.

"Things look good for everything to stay the same. I haven't heard anything about changes in shooting schedules, and I forbade my agent and my PR agent under pain of death, to schedule me for something extra in that time." Even though most of the time Jared's agent and/or his PR guy don't particularly care about Jared's demands where time and schedules are concerned, they know that some things Jared is very adamant about.

"Great." When he turns back to check in Mike and Kerr, he finds them watching him. Mike points at his watch. "I have to go, but I'll call you once I'm back in California."

"You do that." Jensen says his goodbye to Jared, and once he's put away his phone, they make for the check in. It's there that Mike leaves them, and after checking in their bags, the two of them head for the duty free area and the terminal.

Much to Jensen's embarrassment they are actually the last passengers to board, and once they're on the plane, the starting procedures start. Jensen and Kerr go to their seats and after the take off they grab some more sleep. They'll need it in the days to come.

They change planes in Vancouver, where they take some kind of twin engine transport aircraft up to the meeting point. Dr. Kripke and his students will be coming up from Edmonton, and the two students from the Scott Polar Institute will arrive from London (Jensen doesn't even want to know how often they have to change planes to get to their destination).

When they left in San Francisco, they wore sweaters and coats, nothing too warm. The closer they get to the North, the colder it gets. Sitting in a plane that is far from luxurious, they are soon freezing, and they change behind crates into their gear.

The pilot wishes them good luck when they part at the small airfield in the middle of nowhere. The only other person is a guy in heavy gear, waving at them. Jensen and Kerr lug their bags over to the stranger.

As it turns out, the guy is their local guide for the expedition. Michael lives in the nearest village, which is about a hundred miles to the east, and he likes to talk about what everyone thought and said about the group of scientists coming up here. Apparently, they are the most exciting thing that has happened to the community in a long time.

Kerr is constantly shivering, not being used to the cold. Jensen has to realize that he's grown soft ever since he moved to California. A year ago he would have smiled at the temperature of this place, calling it '_nice_', but now he finds that he could do with another shirt himself.

Their little gathering has to wait for an hour before another plane touches down, and a group of fifteen people get out. Apparently the British joined the rest of the group earlier on in Edmonton. Michael waves at the newcomers and he's smiling happily at the people making their way over the snow covered expanse to the trio waiting for them.

Michael jokes about city slickers being unused to the life up in the North, and he calls Dr. Kripke '_sir_'. This has the professor's students grin at each other.

During the first days of their trek the humor and good mood of their guide is of great importance. The students are growing tired easily, and people like Kerr are constantly freezing. They have calculated odds like these, and the two teachers change their route, conferring with their guide about the difficulty of the altered route.

At first the students want to complain about the change in plans, but after the fourth day, they are only too happy about the shorter version of the trek.

The final destination is an ice cave that they are to explore a little, and bring some preliminary data home . While students and TAs are collecting samples and measuring the cavern, Michael shows Dr. Kripke and Jensen around, and they decide there and then to return the next year. There's far too much to discover in the short amount of time they have.

On their way back from the cave to the airfield one of the British students hurts her leg when she wanders off from the camp, and steps onto a snow-covered patch of ice. She slips and twists her ankle. It's Kerr who finds her and helps the student back to the camp.

The accident, and the girl's incapability of walking, slows them down. However, with the help of the snow mobiles, they make it back to the meeting point in time.

Unlike their travel to the starting point, the group departs from their final destination by a small plane that takes them to Edmonton. Jensen and Kerr have to take their flight back to San Francisco from there.

They say their goodbyes to the other expedition members, Kerr thanking them time and again for helping him, and making the whole project such an unforgettable experience. He even goes so far as to agree to sign up for the follow up project next year.

Jensen talks with Dr. Kripke about the organization of his modules at UA, and then says his goodbyes as well. The two Stanford academics leave their companions behind and take a cab to the airport. The drive is spent talking (Kerr) or silently listening (Jensen). Knowing how impressive it is to immersed in what one only knows the theory, Jensen patiently plays audience to his TA's excited recapture of their trip.

At the airport they check in the bags and make for the duty free area. They are more than an hour early, but after hiking through snow covered wilderness, and having spent the last hours on a plane that usually transports cargo, they both appreciate the possibility to just sit down somewhere, drink and eat a snack, and just reconnect with civilization.

The first place they pilgrimage to is Starbucks. Armed with bagels, walnut scones and two large lattes, they sit down in the corner furthest in the back, and start eating the first food in days that is not prepared in tins.

After having finished their meal, Kerr says he wants to look around for a present for his parents and his sister, and they agree to meet up at the terminal once the plane can be boarded. With his companion gone, Jensen gets another coffee (a double espresso), and grabs the nearest newspaper. He catches up to the latest developments all around the world and enjoys the hustle and bustle that is the Edmonton airport.

Once the newspaper is read and the coffee is drained, Jensen gets up and starts his own walk around the duty free area. He browses through shops, and gets a postcard with the picture of a caribou on it. The writing on it just says, '_I've met the love of my life in Canada_'. It's perfect for Danneel. Jensen has the sneaking suspicion that she's got something going on with Richard, the TA.

She's never said anything of the likes, but Jensen just can't help the feeling he gets. Even if he's wrong, he likes the message the card gives.

At the cashiers of the book shop, he grabs a newspaper and a magazine. It's just a gossip rag, but there's Jared's name in bright letters on the cover. Jensen will tease him about the stories that are printed in it.

His purchases made, Jensen spends the rest of the time, until it's time to board the plane, strolling around and watching people. It amuses him how some of travelers are all excited about the prospect of getting to fly somewhere.

Passing by a sports store, he browses through the backpacks. His own got caught in the track of the snow mobile, and as a result has a long tear down the side. Jensen did some makeshift repairs on it, but there's no way that the pack will ever by functional again.

He finds a nice backpack from McKinley. It's of good quality and is equipped to be used for climbing as well. The price is not so nice, but after thinking about it for a minute or two, Jensen pays for the bag, and leaves the shop before he decides he needs something else as well.

By the time his flight is announced and there's the call for the passengers to board, Jensen's seen everything there is to see. The new backpack is in a plastic bag, his post card in his coat pocket, and Jensen has the newspaper and the magazine under his arm. He meets Kerr at the terminal, and together they get on the plane.

Settled down in their seats, and having just finished watching the onboard video about emergency procedures, Jensen and Kerr fasten their seatbelts. Soon after, the plane heads for the runway, the feeling of defying gravity and leaving the ground behind something Jensen finds amazing every time he flies.

The first forty to fifty minutes Kerr keeps telling Jensen what he bought, and why he picked it for that particular person. Then, almost like a switch being flipped, he's out of energy, and he falls asleep. Jensen isn't really tired and he wants to read some more before catching a couple of zeds himself.

At first he reads the newspaper, but he soon loses interest and exchanges it for the glossy paper of the gossip magazine. There are pictures of stars and starlets on the front page, and ever since the press debacle in summer Jensen can't help but wonder how much is true about what is written in the magazine.

He searches for the article about Jared, and when he finds it, he wishes he hadn't. There are photos of Jared on the beach, the beach at his house. But what gets to Jensen is the person with Jared. Playing with Sadie and Harley alongside Jared is a petite woman. If Jensen squints, she looks like a crossing between Alexis Bledel and Sandra McCoy.

Her dark hair is blown in her face and she's laughing happily at Jared, who's goofing around. Seeing Jared this happy, and all without any help of Jensen, is like a stab into his chest. True, they have been working at finding more time to call and to see, but their jobs are getting into their way more often than not.

The last time he had seen Jared, had been when he had driven all the way from LA to San Francisco to visit Jensen. They had had a great time, but somehow Jensen can't help thinking that Jared's laughter in the photo is brighter, more relaxed than the one he remembers from the stay.

After staring numbly at the photos, because there are more of them (some of them are of Jared and the woman at some coffee shop), Jensen forces himself to read the article that is printed in between the pictures. He makes it no further than the third paragraph, before the tales of Jared and Genevieve Cortese, and their flirting gets too much for him. He folds the magazine, stuffing it into the newspaper net of the seat in front of him.

Jensen wants, he doesn't really know. He has to deal with the shock of seeing the photos first before he can decide on what he wants. Jensen knows where this will be heading; he's been there only half a year ago. Jared likes to proposition people he's being photographed with.

Thinking about Jared and the strange woman has his head hurt, and Jensen turns to the window and looks out at the clouds below them.


	3. Chapter 3

When Tom picks Jensen up at the airport he doesn't mention the photos he saw in the magazine (which is still stuffed into the net on the back of the seat), and neither does his friend. Tom inquires about their flight and asks Kerr about his first time working in the field. Then they say goodbye to the TA, who gets picked up by his flat mate, and make for the car.

His mood is rather low from the shock on the plane, so the conversation on the drive from the airport to Jensen's home is one-sided and stilted. Tom stops asking about how Jensen liked the trip after the umpteenth time he only gets a grunt as an answer.

Fifty minutes after they departed from the airport, the car pulls up to the curb in front of Jensen's house. Originally it had only been planned that Tom would drive him home, but when Jensen gets out of the car and carries his bags to the door, his friend follows him. Jensen doesn't comment on it, and just unlocks the front door, where an excited husky is already lying in wait for his return.

Dean jumps him and barks happily. Jensen pets him, his bags abandoned on the floor next to him, and ruffles Dean's fur. The happiness Dean displays lifts his own mood somewhat. He buries his face the thick fur and takes a couple of calming breaths.

Tom just watches the reunion, his expression shifting from worried (about Jensen's silence), to amused (about Dean greeting Jensen), and back. When Jensen pushes the husky down and picks up his luggage to take the final steps into the house, his friend determinedly comes with him. He pats the dog's head who dances around him, and then trails after Jensen.

Inside the house all his energy leaves him. Jensen just drops the bags in the hall, making for the kitchen. He gets a bottle of water from the fridge, there isn't much else in it anyways. Taking a swig he turns to Tom and watches his friend study his face, looking for clues what has Jensen in such a funk.

"So, what happened? The last time I saw you, before the expedition, you were high as a kite." Tom leans against the door frame, his height almost towering in it.

"Nothing." Jensen's not sure he wants to talk about it. There's a fifty/fifty chance that Tom will say that he shouldn't worry about the pictures, or that he'll start telling Jensen that he shouldn't let Jared treat him like this. Which one of the options he prefers Jensen can't say.

"Bullshit. I know that something is up, and somehow I suspect that a certain actor is involved. So, what did he do?" His friend has a determined look on his face, insistent that he find out what is bothering Jensen.

Screwing the water bottle shut, Jensen sets it on the counter. The task allows him to look away from Tom. He's not sure he can look him in the eye when talking about his discovery.

"It's just something I read on the plane." Jensen squirms uncomfortably, feeling the weight of Tom's gaze on him.

"What did you read?" It feels like pulling teeth. Jensen rubs his hand over his face before he answers.

"There were pictures of Jared with some woman, and in the article they said that they were together." It sounds ridiculous when he says it, because deep inside Jensen knows that Jared would never do something like that. Jared isn't someone who would stab anyone in the back like that.

"What pictures?" Tom frowns at him. "D'you have the magazine with you?"

At that Jensen only shakes his head. There had been no way that he would take those photos home with him. He doesn't want them around.

"Okay, so what kind of photos were they? Did they kiss in them? Hold hands?" All of those questions Jensen can answer with a headshake. "What did they do on those pictures?"

Tom is starting to sound exasperated with Jensen's lack of cooperation.

"They were playing with the dogs." Jensen feels a cold knot in his stomach at the memory of Jared and his dogs playing with the strange woman.

"That's all? He was walking his dogs with some woman?" The disbelief in his friend's voice has Jensen cringe.

But the thing is that it isn't the fact that Jared and the woman are walking the dogs together, but that Jared is so happy doing it with someone who isn't Jensen. If he can be this happy with someone else, and gets to share his love for Sadie and Harley with them, what does he need Jensen for?

This thought is ghosting around Jensen's brain, and sucks all his energy and happiness out of him.

"I haven't seen those pictures, but Jensen I don't think that you should worry about them too much. So far there's one random magazine posting them, but no one else has said anything about it." Tom's words make sense, and Jensen knows from experience that if the press is convinced of something they will print and show it everywhere. But even knowing that doesn't change the feeling Jensen has.

He tries to look more upbeat, but he isn't sure if he's successful.

In the end, Tom has to leave. He heads out with last words of encouragement, and Jensen drags himself upstairs to unpack his bags. Dean trails after him, jumping on the bed and curling up while Jensen sorts out his clothes. The gear that doesn't need washing is stowed away, and the rest he throws into the laundry basket and carries downstairs to the washing machine.

He loads the machine, and starts a cycle. With his laundry taken care of, Jensen is standing in his basement unsure what to do now. There are some preparations he could do for work, but Jensen doesn't feel too interested in that right now.

It's the ringing of his cell phone upstairs that has him moving out of the basement. Jensen heads for the ringing, finding the phone in the pocket of his coat, and when he flips it open he finds Jared's ID on the display. Taking a deep breath he picks up.

"Hey." Jensen can feel his heart beating hard. His palms are sweaty.

"Hey, Tarzan of the Cold." Jared's happy banter doesn't have its usual effect on Jensen. Instead of making him feel better, he now thinks about Jared having fun with the woman from the pictures. "So, everyone still have their fingers and toes?"

"Yeah, mostly." He shakes himself and does his best to banish those photos from his mind. Tom had been right, and he shouldn't worry about them overly much.

"What now? Someone lose half a toe?" With his mind made up, Jensen finally gets to let go of the depressing thoughts he's been harboring.

"One of the British students sprained her ankle." This has Jared chuckle, the sound having Jensen smiling softly in turn.

"Seems to be a common ailment up North." Jensen remembers all too vividly his own run in with a sprained ankle.

"So, you coming up tomorrow like planned?" There's the sound of toenails clicking, and Dean comes downstairs. He glances at Jensen, but decides that with the phone in hand, the human isn't entertaining. With a sigh, the dog makes for the kitchen.

"About that," The words have Jensen tense. "I wanted to leave really early to be at your place around noon, but I have to meet with my agent about a script at ten, so I won't get to leave before noon earliest."

It's almost as if a weight is lifted from his shoulders, and Jensen calms down. "Hey, don't worry. If you're are going to arrive in the evening, I'll just head down to Stanford and get some paperwork taken care of. One would think with me having a TA now, I wouldn't have to bother with things like that anymore, but somehow it always ends up on my desk."

Jared laughs amused. "Dude, you should have a serious talk with your TA about the lack of deference."

"Somehow I've got the feeling that it wouldn't change anything. My suspicions are that Loretta is sneaking them in when Kerr and I aren't looking." The thought of the secretary slinking around the department, distributing paperwork to hapless teachers, has Jensen chuckle.

"She's got all of you whipped." Jensen can only agree. If anyone ever thought that anyone else but the department secretary is running EESS, they'll be in for a surprise. Loretta Devine is the silent (sometimes not so silent) force behind the faculty and staff, and she lets them know it in very subtle, but nevertheless efficient ways.

"That's a lie, if I ever heard one." His fake protestation has Jared laugh harder.

"Dream on." Jensen can hear Linda talking in the back, asking Jared a question. "Uh, Linda wants me to tell you that she hasn't seen you for too long, and that she's growing sick of my and Chad's faces."

There's laughter from all three of them at that. "Tell her that I'll visit as soon as the midterms are over. At the moment all I'm doing is preparing exams, reviewing lessons, and dodging students that want to barter with me. One student from my seminar tried to appeal to my better nature by claiming that he's physically and emotionally not able to take more than one exam per week."

"So why's he attending college then?"

"Beats me. I sent him to Harold, the other teacher who's got his midterm in the same week as mine. Maybe he's a better person than I am." Dean returns from the kitchen and stares at him. It's like he wants to tell Jensen that he's being weird having a conversation in the hallway.

"I bet that he'll just have to study hard and take both of the exams." Jensen walks through the living room to the porch, and lets the husky out. The air is fresh, but not cold, and he follows Dean outside, sitting down on the steps to the garden.

"Yeah, that's what I told him as well. He wasn't happy about it." He can still see the pouty look on the student, looking like some moody teenager. "What did you do while I was gone? Work all the time?"

"Mostly. I tried to spend some time with Harley and Sadie, because during winter I was rarely around. The shooting and the preparations for the Oscars took a lot of time, not forgetting the dubbing I did for the new animated Disney movie." When Jared mentions his dogs, Jensen wants to ask if he spent the time with his dogs only, or if someone else was with them.

In the end he doesn't do it though. If it was of any importance, Jared would have said something about it. The only thing he would achieve by asking after the photos would be to give the incident more meaning than it probably has.

"Sounds great. Dean will be happy to spend some time with your dogs. He's missing the company of a sled team. He's used to spending longer amounts of time in a pack of dogs, and the solitude of me being gone throughout the day, is not really to his taste." He watches Dean nose around the bushes in the back. There's movement close to him and one of the kittens, that is actually almost full grown now, crawls out.

Even though the mother had been rather suspicious in the beginning – she still is the most cautious of the cats, the kittens got used to the husky very quickly, and Paws (named after the white paws he has) likes to play with the tall dog. Jensen watches them run around the garden, Dean chasing after the young cat.

"Harley and Sadie were all sad after we left the last time. I think they love you and Dean more than they love me." The tone of voice is teasing though.

"Like that would ever be possible." Jensen knows that the two huge dogs worship the ground Jared walks on, and it's the same the other way round.

"I don't know. They pine after the two of you quite a lot, and lately they've been searching for cats in the bushes." This makes Jensen laugh.

"I wasn't aware that they got so attached to the cats." This comes as a surprise since Harley and Sadie, both, had been very suspicious and distrusting of the feline family. The mother cat had swiped at Harley's nose when he tried to sniff at the kittens the first time he saw them.

"Apparently the cats are of great importance to us as well." Jared talks about it like he's actually searching the bushes together with the dogs.

"Okay." Two more cats join in, and Dean is happily running around, playing a strange kind of tag with the kittens.

His attention is drawn away from the game when he hears loud complaining of a very douchy kind on the other side of the phone. Chad has arrived, and he lets everyone know about his presence. Some may call it whining, and rarely anyone calls it charming.

There seems to be some kind of struggling, and then Chad is on the phone.

"Dude, get him to drive up there to San Francisco. His moaning about you being gone for so long is boring, and it's bad for my karma to have someone mope all the time." Jensen just snorts. Leave it to Chad to dispel even the last remnants of Jensen's doubts and fears by just being himself.

"Moping?" He can't help but ask.

"Like you won't believe. It wasn't pretty, let me tell you that." In the back he can hear Jared complaining, trying to get the phone back from Chad.

"So he missed me?" Jensen will take what he can, and making fun of Jared together with Chad is as good as it gets.

"Yeah, the idiot was all weepy eyed, huge and full of tears. His chin wobbling and all. The full program." Jensen can't keep from laughing anymore, he bursts out, deep whoops of laughter, hearing Chad rag on Jared who's commandeered the cell phone back.

"Don't believe what he said. I did miss you, but in a totally manly kind of way." Somehow this doesn't really make any less funny. And Jensen starts another bout of laughing. "Dude, how's Jensen ever going to respect me again?"

Jensen can hear '_Like anyone would respect you, asshat_', and grins widely. Who'd have thought when he met Chad for the first time that the Blonde would grow on him like that.

"Don't worry, I do respect you." His barely restrained laughter doesn't really help to convey honesty. Jared harrumphs and Jensen just has to ask: "Are you pouting?"

The silence he gets and then the quick denial is all he needs to know. Jensen teases Jared about being such a girl, and Jared mock threatens to stay in LA. Jensen's answer to that is to make some more fun of him, and in the end Jared has to admit defeat and agree that he might, just a little bit of course, be pouting.

After some more teasing remarks, and the promise that Jared and his dogs are going to arrive around six or seven the next evening, Jensen says goodbye to Jared, and ends the call. He stays sitting on the steps and enjoys the pleasant evening air.

The trip to the Northwest Territories had been a very welcome escape into the world of snow and ice, but Jensen has to admit that the Mediterranean climate of San Francisco does have its advantages. For once he can sit outside without freezing. The summers are a bit too hot for his taste but having grown up in Texas; he knows how hot it can get.

The temperature and the humidity are going to be a challenge with the AE expedition in summer. Hiking through the Ecuadorian jungle is not really something Jensen is used to, and he has to admit that the task is somewhat daunting. Not impossible, but challenging.

David had instructed him on what to expect and Chuck is constantly instructing Jensen on how to live in a rainforest. Having lived in the Caribbean for some time, and having participated in a couple of expeditions to Costa Rica, Stanford's resident specialist on Marine Ecological Systems is well versed in jungle life.

So far Jensen has understood that it's hot, and wet, and that there are huge animals of everything that crawls and has more than four legs.

Dean yips and Jensen catches the end of what appears to be a collective cat attack at the husky. The kittens crawl all over the much larger dog, and the husky playfully snaps at the foursome. The joyful play has Jensen smile.

"Don't let them get away with it." His order is ignored as Paws tears at the bushy tail of his tall prey. Dean turns to the little cat, dislodging the kitten who had been balancing on this shoulders, and huffs. "You my friend are pussy whipped."

They ignore his comment and Jensen decides to go inside and get his camera. This would make for an awesome picture.

When he gets up from the steps and pockets his phone, he remembers the postcard he bought at the airport in Edmonton. First he gets the camera from his backpack, and then he searches for the post card in the pockets of his jacket. On his way back to the porch Jensen swipes a pen. Upon his return to the garden, he finds the kittens still climbing the husky, and Jensen quickly takes a couple of pictures.

Then he sits down and thinks about what to write. Considering the best way to begin the card he taps the pen against his lips, and then he grins.

He cracks his fingers and starts to write.


	4. Chapter 4

Jared doesn't come to San Francisco in the end. He gets a call when he's meeting with his agent, and there are re-shoots for some movie, Jensen doesn't know which one, and he doesn't really care. All that matters is that Jared doesn't show.

Receiving the news about Jared's cancellation, Jensen then stays the whole day at Stanford, catching up on all paperwork and preparations. It keeps him from sitting at home and brooding. Once again his mind goes to the pictures of the magazine, but he reminds himself of the things Chad and Jared said on the phone, and banishes any worries and suspicions from his mind.

When he's getting finished for the day, Chuck shows up and asks him about the game on Friday. At first Jensen is confused what his colleague is talking about, but then he realizes that he's referring to the football game against UCLA.

Last November, when the Big Game had taken place, Jensen had not bothered to attend the game, but now that he's becoming a permanent teacher at Stanford, he feels somehow obligated to support their team. Since his plans for the week are non-existent now, he agrees to come to the game, and calls Tom and Mike, asking if they are interested in going as well.

After the last piece of paperwork has been filed, and he's prepared everything he can for the lectures and the midterm exams, Jensen heads back home. His drive takes him past a Wal-Mart, and he stops to buy more groceries. With his trip up North, there's not much to eat at home.

Jensen cruises the produce aisle, and browses through the rows vegetables and fruits. Adding different items to his cart, he continues on to the next stop on his way through the market. He's deciding on what kind of juice he wants, three cartons of OJ already in his cart, when the announcement of the shop speaker makes him aware of the DVD sale in the Electronics section.

Usually Jensen doesn't buy movies, but somehow he really wants to get a couple of DVDs to watch in the time he would have spent with Jared. He navigates his cart through the rows of aisles. The electronics section is on the second floor. Jensen leaves the full cart behind and takes the escalator up one floor.

There are rows and shelves full of TV sets, washing machines, dish washers, espresso machines, and computers every where. Jensen turns around, searching for the movie section. There are large TV screens mounted on a far wall, all of them showing different movies or channels, and Jensen decides that it might be a good idea to start his search in this area.

Next to the TVs are DVD and Blueray players, and next to that Jensen finally finds what he's looking for. There're are four dump bins set up in a row, each filled with DVD cases. Bright stickers announce cheerfully that the movies are only half price.

Rummaging through the DVDs, Jensen selects no less than ten different movies. On his way back to the escalator he passes a poster of an Xbox, and he stops in his tracks. Jensen peers around the large cardboard cut-out, and scans the rows of games. At the very end, against the wall, he finds a large picture of a toy guitar, just like the one they used to play Guitar Hero.

As he's studying the poster, standing in front of the Xbox aisle, an assistant walks up to him. The young guy, probably a student earning some money to get him through college, smiles friendly at Jensen.

"Anything I can help you with?" Jensen stares dumbly at the guy for a second and then he makes a decision.

"Yeah, I want to buy something to play this guitar. I need a console for that?" He remembers Jared plugging the guitar into a box, and inserting the game disc into the console. So he really needs that as well.

"Which system are you interested in?" Suddenly Jensen feels completely out of his depths. He has no idea what kind of system he's interested in. He doesn't even know what systems there are.

"Uh, which one would you recommend?" Jensen hopes that the Wal-Mart person doesn't realize how unknowing Jensen really is.

"Well, it really depends what type of TV you have, and which controller you prefer. If you want to play games like _Final Fantasy_ or _Kingdom Hearts_, then you'll need a Playstation. If you want to play Microsoft or Lionhead games, you'll need an Xbox. For _Virtual Tennis_ and _Zelda_, you'll need a Wii." The young man leads Jensen through the rows of games, and they end up in front of shelves with different consoles hooked up to them.

Jensen scans until he finds the box that looks like the one Jared had had. He points at a black console, and proudly presents his find.

"I want this one." The assistant looks at him like he's crazy, but then he just shrugs.

"Sure. It's an Xbox 360 Elite." He unlocks the glass sliding down under the console and takes out one of the boxes. "You want the same color as well?"

"There are different colors?" Jensen never had though that he would have to pick a color. But the guy holds up another box that has a picture of the some console in white on it, and on another box there's a red one. "Uh, they are the same?"

"Yeah, they have a hard drive of 120GB, are compatible with any TV. The Xbox 360 is HD ready, can be connected to the internet, which would be advisable to get regular updates of the software, and you can buy games and add-ons to games through the online platform Xbox Live!" All that information means nothing to Jensen. He just wants to be able to play the Guitar Hero game. Nothing else.

But the young man, Jensen finally notices the name tag on his chest spelling 'Brian', doesn't stop at that. He points out that Jensen can read and write e-mails with the console, he can watch DVDs and listen to music, and so on, and so forth.

In the end Jensen ends his long monologue about the many positive aspects of owning an Xbox console by just pointing at the box with the red console on it.

"Okay, if you buy an Xbox Elite you're getting two games for free as a starter's package. You can either get _Halo 3_ and _Fable II_, or _Kung Fu Panda_ and _Indiana Jones_." The guy looks at him for a second. "I guess you'll take the Halo 3/Fable II combination."

Jensen just nods at that (he doesn't recognise any of the names anyway) and trails after the assistant as they make their way from the consoles to the guitars.

"For the Xbox you need this guitar controller." Another box is added, and then there are two more games, and Jensen wonders if it really is such a good idea to buy all of this. Before he can make up his mind though, the guy wishes him fun, and heads off again.

Jensen's standing in the aisle with the video games, two boxes, and fourteen cases in his hands and wonders what just happened to him. In a trance he carries everything downstairs to his cart, which is already full of food and household things, and pushes it to the check out lines.

After he's paid, he gets everything to his car, and loads it into the trunk. He suddenly realizes that he bought a video game console. And video games. Still somewhat confused about why he did that, Jensen returns the cart, and gets into the car.

Throughout the drive home his thoughts on the purchases he made has him forget that Jared cancelled on him, and when he parks in his drive way, Jensen is already wondering about how to install the contraption in his trunk.

Usually Jensen does okay with new technology. Some people think that him being a geek, equals him knowing everything there is about new stuff, be that technology, medicine, or any other branch of sciences. Somehow people think that studying something other than economics or Literature, means that you study everything that even remotely resembles sciences.

With the Xbox Jensen is almost sure that he'll be able to install it without problems, but there's always a healthy dose of respect for technology he knows nothing about. At Jared's place, he'd just taken the controller that had been handed to him, and then he'd played like he'd been instructed to do.

The bags with the groceries in one hand, the boxes under his arm or in his other hand, Jensen barely manages to lock his car. Carefully he juggles everything to the front door, where he once more is confronted with the hindrance that are locks.

Inside he can hear Dean's excited barking, and it has him stop unlocking the door. In his mind he already sees himself being run over by the dog, the new Xbox and the guitar controller flung every which way. Jensen sets the boxes down, and then opens the front door.

Dean doesn't bowl him over, but it's a really close call. The dog dances around him, yipping happily and trying his best to heard Jensen into the house.

First he carries the bags with the groceries and other purchases inside, and then he gets the boxes of the video game console and controller. Dean follows him every step, and when Jensen starts to set the console up, he curiously stands next to him and watches what his human is doing.

As it turns out, hooking up the Xbox is such an easy thing to do, that Jensen doesn't even need to read the instructions. How hard can it be if there's a cable that gets plugged into the console and into the TV set.

With his shiny new gadget installed, Jensen gets rid of the box and the padding that are littering the living room floor, and then he gets the DVDs and the games from the kitchen. He has four different games to play (two of them Guitar Hero games), and he can't decide which one to try. Reading through the blurbs on the backside of the cases, he picks Fable II, and inserts the disc into the console.

The system wants him to pick a name, and then he can finally start to play. Jensen is not the best player there is, and in the beginning his avatar bumps into enough walls, corners and people that he can't help but wonder of he can get killed by continuous knocking into sharp and/or blunt objects.

Figuring out how to get around, how to fight and how to earn money is captivating enough to have Jensen spend three hours in front of the TV. The next time he looks up and glances outside the window, everything is dark, and Jensen notices that night has fallen while he spent his time running around and fighting for Albion.

What Jensen likes best about the game is the dog that is his characters best friend. He picked 'Dean' as the name of the virtual mutt.

The real Dean is sleeping next to Jensen's feet when he finally saves and exits the game. Somewhat self-conscious about his obsession with the Xbox, Jensen decides to keep away from the console until the Midterm exams are over. He really can't afford to lose too many hours on playing a video game.

Jensen unwraps the DVDs he bought, and adds them to the shelf where his meagre movie collection is to be found. He even goes to the effort of alphabetizing all twenty movies, and then goes to the kitchen to get something to drink.

Filling a glass with water, Jensen leans against a cupboard and just stares ahead. He's tired, he notices that now. Since there's nothing he has planned, or any one to visit, he just downs the content of his glass and switches off the lights in the kitchen. He'll just go to bed, and tomorrow he'll have all the time he needs to work some more for college.

On his way to the stairs, he locks the door to the porch and the front door. Dean is still sleeping in front of the couch; the dog just ignores Jensen's walking around. In the night he'll come upstairs and settle down next to or on Jensen's bed, but right now the husky is too lazy to move.

He swaps his daytime clothes for sweats and a t-shirt, and plods into the bathroom, blinking slightly when the bright light comes on. Jensen stares at his reflection and with a sigh he notices that his freckles started to show again. Every time he spends more time outside, they start to pop up all over his nose and cheeks, all over his face really.

The expedition up North, and the bout of gardening he did before that, are the reason for his current case of freckles. Jensen rubs over the bridge of his nose, almost like trying to see if they come off. But, of course they don't.

Another glance at them and Jensen takes his tooth brush. He squirts tooth paste onto it and starts brushing. He walks back into his bedroom, his toothbrush shoved into his mouth, and opens the window. The air always gets so stuffy during the night; if it isn't at least cracked open a little bit.

Just as he's spitting out the foam and rinsing his mouth, Jensen's phone starts ringing. With a muffled curse he darts out of the bathroom and runs downstairs. A frantic search for the cell phone starts, until he remembers that he put it onto the table in the living room.

It's almost too late when he finds it. The name on the display has Jensen grin, and he picks up.

"Hey there." Dean passes him by, looking up and giving him a disgruntled look, upset that the phone and Jensen's running around woke him up.

"What are you doing, dude? Is Jared keeping you busy?" Chris voice sounds teasing, and Jensen can hear the sound of a car driving in the background.

"No. Kind of difficult if he's in LA and I'm in San Francisco." Jensen sits down on the couch and plops his feet on the coffee table.

"What? I thought Mr. Hollywood is staying with you for the week?" His friend's voice takes a steely edge, and Jensen knows what Chris is thinking. His friend had been furious during the Christmas holidays, when Jensen had been down about Jared's mood, and the disconnection between them.

"Yeah, that was the plan, but real life decided otherwise. He got a call for re-shoots." All day and evening he had done his best to keep from thinking about the disappointment he had felt. But now, talking with Chris, his thoughts go back to it.

"Jensen." Chris wants to start on a tirade about the faults of one Jared Padalecki, and Jensen doesn't want to hear it.

"Stop right there, Chris. I don't want to hear it." He closes his eyes and tries his best to quench the worries that start welling up.

"Fine. I just called to let you know that I'm about an hour from San Francisco, and I wanted to know if you have time to let an old friend stay for a couple of days at your humble abode?" The prospect of Chris coming to stay with Jensen, brightens his mood right up, and Jensen starts smiling.

"Dude, what kind of question is that? Of course you can stay with me. As long as you want or need." He gets up from the couch and heads for the downstairs guest room. "What has you out here in San Francisco?"

"That guy we did the soundtrack for last summer wants me to do some work for his newest movie as well." There's the sound of a car honking, and Chris curses loudly. "That asshole cut me off!"

"Dude, don't talk to me while you're driving. Where's Steve?" Jensen had assumed Steve was driving while Chris was on the phone. "Is he not with you?"

"No, he'll come up tomorrow, we had a couple of gigs in LA and up the coast, and someone had to make sure that everything wrapped up okay. I just got into the car, and started driving up from San Jose where we had the last show." Jensen checks if the room is alright, everything ready for use.

"Ah. Well, then, you know how to find me?" Jensen had told Chris where he lives, but so far his friend hadn't had the time to come and visit.

"Yeah, got the address, and a GPS. Not too difficult. I should be at your place in about an hour." More honking and cursing.

"Okay, just hang up and get here in one piece. Enough time to talk once you're here."

"Dude, who wants to talk? I hope you've got something to drink." Chris incredulous tone of voice has Jensen laugh.

"Tequila okay?" He got a bottle of genuine Mexican Tequila from Chuck for Christmas. He has yet to open it. Today sounds like a perfect time.

"Perfect." Chris is growling at something he sees, and Jensen knows that they really have to end the call, before his friend ends up having an accident.

"Awesome. Just get here when you get here. I'll be up." After that they end the call, and Jensen goes looking for the Tequila bottle.

He finds it in the cupboard next to the fridge, and there's a full bottle of some expensive Scottish whiskey he got from a friend from the Highlands once. Jensen takes out the Tequila and leaves the whiskey for another time.

Since it's going to take Chris another hour at least until he shows up, Jensen starts the Xbox and continues to play some more Fable II. He has to find that magician and to do that he has to first win the Crucible. Jensen directs his avatar to his next quest and starts fighting.


	5. Chapter 5

On the second day of Chris' stay with Jensen a letter arrives. It's an expensive white envelope with fancy golden writing on it. At first Jensen doesn't really know what to do. It has his name on it and it's addressed to him, but he can't possibly think of anyone sending him such a letter.

When he opens it, there's an invitation inside. Sophia is getting married in May and she's invited Jensen to come out to Lethbridge, Alberta, and celebrate with her. He's just finished reading the card, when his phone rings. Absentmindedly he picks up.

"Talk about last minute." Mike sounds somewhat miffed.

It shows how close their friendship is that they don't even have to specify what they are talking about. They just know what the other is thinking. Besides, it stands to reason that the received the invitation on the same day.

"As far as I know her fiancé is a renowned press photographer, and he's heading out to some war zone to take photos. Sophia said the last time I talked to her, that she wants marry him before he leaves." His friend hadn't said anything about it after that, and Jensen had just assumed that Sophia had changed her mind.

"Dude, the wedding is like two months away. She could at least have called and told us that we're supposed to take the day off." The wedding is on a Saturday.

"Don't be such a douche bag about it." Jensen is standing in front of the wall calendar in the kitchen and checking the date. There's nothing noted for that day or the weeks before and after. "You're just pissed because Tom will rag on you for not being half as excited about it as he is."

"He's going to be insufferable for weeks, and afterwards he'll keep on talking about how awesome it was, and how much he liked the reception, and how great Sophie looked. It's grating on my nerves and it hasn't even started yet." Jensen grins. Even though Tom always says that he won't get married in this lifetime, he turns into a complete sap at each wedding he attends. At Kristen's wedding, he even outcried the mother of the bride.

"But, from what I remember you telling me, even though I asked you not to, he gets very randy as well." His comment has Mike grunt into the phone.

"Like every night is wedding night." There's an appreciative hmm. "Maybe this wedding thing is good for something after all."

Jensen suddenly is presented with a completely different problem. The invitation has been issued plus one, and even though Sophia doesn't know who Jensen's plus one is, she knows that he exists. The big question though is if Jensen should even ask Jared. It's not like he will agree to come. At times like these Jensen really hates to have to lie about who he's having a relationship with.

They skirted the talk about Jared openly committing to Jensen, and that had been at the very beginning of their relationship. They had both agreed that it was best to keep the press, and everyone else out of everything, at least to begin with. But when would be the right time to at least include their families in their circle of trust?

His thoughts are brought to an abrupt end when there's a loud bang on the other end of the line, followed by a more sedate 'Oops.'

"Mike?"

"Shit, Tom's gonna kill me." His friend is muttering frantically. "Shit, shit, shit. Fuck."

Jensen wants to ask once more what happened but then the line is dead and Mike's gone. When Jensen tries to call back, the phone isn't being picked up. He knows that Mike's okay. He probably just banged something up, or crushed something 'accidentally'. Jensen remembers the one time Mike backed up over Tom's old b-b-q grill.

The thing had been ancient, and it had been horrible to work with. One day Mike had backed the car into the drive just as the grill had been standing there. His friend had sworn (and still does) that the incident had been an accident, but both Jensen and Tom had been rather doubtful about it. Especially since Mike had been talking about getting a new grill for some time before that.

Once again he glances at the invitation and asks himself if he should ask Jared or not. He's still undecided about it when he finally calls Jared. The phone rings a couple of times and then the mailbox starts. It's most likely that Jared's still at work.

Deciding against leaving a message, Jensen sets the phone aside and walks to the magnetic board in the kitchen. He usually posts everything important on it, to know where to look if he needs any details he forgot. The invitation is added to the collage of receipts, invoices, grocery lists and calling cards.

Then Jensen returns to his office upstairs to grade the first batch of midterm exams. Yesterday had been the test date for the _Advanced Glaciotectonics_ course, and together with the sheets of _Arctic Ecology_ he has quite a stack of exams to take care of. Jensen had structured the questionnaire into multiple choice questions (7 pages) and two open questions, where the students had been asked to write essays about a certain topic, and give their opinion on it.

Theoretically this is a good way of ensuring that the students can do both, separate true from false, and find arguments in their own words, but it also means that Jensen has more work, than other teachers who just use the multiple choice questionnaires.

Jensen sits down at the desk and returns to his grading. Dean is sleeping under the desk, and he hadn't moved a muscle when Jensen had gotten up to get the mail from the mailbox. The husky is even lazier than usually today. Yesterday Chris had chased Dean around the garden for a long time and in the evening Jensen had run the long route with him. The dog's exhaustion shows that he's not a young pup anymore.

From time to time Jensen reaches down and scratches behind Dean's ears, just letting the dog know that Jensen's not willfully ignoring him, and then he continues reading, correcting, and grading.

He's just finished with the stack of Glaciotectonic exams, when he can hear the front door being unlocked and the sound of toenails scratching in a frantic squabble on the floor. The noise has Dean lift his head and then he's on his feet and out the door. Jensen follows at a more sedate pace, his heart already beating hard at the knowledge of who will be waiting for him.

Downstairs he finds Jared in the hallway, two large duffle bags next to him, with Harley and Sadie dancing around Dean. Jared looks up from the happy dogs and smiles brightly at Jensen. Suddenly it feels like the sun has risen. Like all these days Jensen had been standing in the shadows, and with just one smile of Jared's, the sun is shining again.

He smiles back, and carefully maneuvers through the canine welcome ritual. Once he's reached Jared, he just pulls him close and kisses him deeply. This right here is what he's been missing. The contentment he feels when they're together.

Their kiss turns more heated as Jared's hands wander south and grab Jensen's ass, hauling him even closer to his body. Jensen feels like he's being plastered to Jared, and the way the other makes sure that they can't be parted has him wrap his arms around Jared's neck and bury his fingers in his hair.

In the end they have to part for air. This doesn't mean that they have to part, though. They stay pressed against each other, their breaths puffing against their lips.

"I got so angry when they called about the re-shoots. Even though they said it would only take one or two days, I didn't want to call you and tell you, and just to have to cancel again." Jensen doesn't care about Jared not calling. All that matters is that Jared did show up, and that from the look of the bags, he's going to stay for a bit.

To let Jared know what he thinks about it, Jensen once more dives in for a kiss, but this time Jared starts to navigate Jensen through the hall to the stairs. Slowly they make their way upstairs. More than once they have to stop, with Jensen pressed against the wall, and Jared ravaging him, before their ascension continues.

Jared is relentless, and he manhandles Jensen out of his shirt and pants before they're even inside the bedroom. Sheer luck has Jensen undress Jared, because Jensen is too distracted from the kisses and the touches to actually plan on stripping Jared.

With an 'uff' he's thrown onto the bed, and just as quickly Jared lands on top of him. Their hands get more frisky, and with more skin to touch, the strokes get more arousing. Jensen can't help himself, and he slips his hands underneath Jared's boxer briefs, kneading the firm cheeks.

"Careful, or this is over much faster than planned." Jared growls against Jensen's lips. The vibrations of Jared's chest resting on top of his send a shiver down Jensen's spine. He takes a shaky breath and locks his eyes with Jared's.

"Someone's got problems with their stamina." Jensen's teasing words have Jared actually growl at him, and he' pushed even harder into the mattress.

The way Jared's dominating him gets Jensen all hot and bothered. He likes it when Jared takes what he wants from him. Maybe that makes them all cave man, but Jensen doesn't care. It's just too awesome, not to mention hot, to give it too much thought.

Jensen traces his way down Jared's back and then to the front. One hand stays on his hips, holding tight, while the other finds its way to Jared's cock, stroking its length up, and then down again. The movement has Jared buck into his touch, and he breaks their kiss to bite Jensen's neck.

The sudden pain makes Jensen moan. He unintentionally squeezes Jared's erection, and spreads his thighs wider.

"Yo! The two of you better not be fucking when I'm around." Chris voice hollering up the stairs is like a cold shower.

The two of them are frozen, staring slightly shocked at the door, fearing that it will open and Chris will come barging in. Someone walking in on them is something they can very well do without. When the door stays closed, Jensen pushes against Jared's shoulders, and his him climb off the bed. Jensen rolls out himself.

Jared raises an eyebrow at him, asking without words what Chris is doing in Jensen's house.

"He's got work in San Francisco, and is staying at my place for the duration." To reassure that the other's presence won't be a problem he adds, "I put him into the bedroom downstairs."

Jensen quickly gets a shirt and pants, throwing a shirt at Jared who's tugging on his jeans. The sight of Jared fighting with trying to make his hard-on a little less conspicuous, has Jensen chuckle amused and Jared looks over to him. He rolls his eyes at Jensen and finally manages to zip the jeans closed. Once they're as presentable as they'll get Jensen and Jared head downstairs.

Chris is in the living room playing with the dogs. Sadie and Harley seem to be a bit unsure about the trustworthiness of the strange human, but Dean's enthusiasm makes it impossible for them not to join in.

When Jensen and Jared enter, Chris looks up from the dogs and grins mischievously at them. His eyes go to the red bite mark on Jensen's neck, and he almost looks gleeful when he glances at Jensen.

"Sorry. Hope I didn't interrupt anything." Jensen thinks that his friend doesn't look repentant at all. More like he's smug about something. He glares at Chris, but the other just grins even wider.

"Hey." Jared either doesn't notice the undertone to Chris words, or he's above commenting on it. He just smiles friendly at Chris and pets Sadie who excitedly greets her human, as if Jared had been gone for days, and not just minutes.

"How's Hollywood?" For anyone else, the question might sound like a genuine inquiry about Jared's life, but Jensen is very well aware that it's a subtle attack. Chris has been silently fuming about Jared canceling with Jensen on Monday, and no matter how often Jensen had tried to talk some sense into his friend, Chris had insisted in carrying this particular grudge.

"Stressful but great. Thanks." Jensen is of the opinion that Jared deserves an Academy Award just for the performance he's giving in Jensen's living room.

Desperately trying to restore some kind of peace, Jensen clears his throat. He makes sure that both of them, Chris and Jared, are paying attention to him before he asks them if they are interested in something to drink. He has Chris check the pantry for more juice, and delegates Jared to fill the dog's bowls with fresh water.

While the others are occupied, Jensen opens the fridge to get the sandwich stuff out. Some food and drinks should lighten the moods, or at least make them too stuffed to want to fight. He's taking the lettuce and the tomatoes and putting them on the counter. There're cold cuts and cheese, and Jensen adds the pickles to the ingredients he's already got gathered.

Jensen contemplates the merits of getting some peanut butter and jelly as well, when two arms wrap around his waist, and a hard chest is pressed against his back. He can smell Jared and leans back, enjoying the contact between them.

"Does this mean that I don't get any sex during my stay here?" The question is asked with a teasing voice, and Jensen chuckles amused.

"I knew it. You only want me for my body." His fake shock is accented by the falsetto he's talking in. It has both of them laugh, and Jared's hands start roaming his body. One hand comes to rest on his chest, the other slips under Jensen's shirt and traces a pattern over his stomach.

"What else should I want you for?" Jensen sets the jar of peanut butter down and turns around in the hold Jared has him in. He reaches up and cards his hands through the shaggy hair that keeps falling into Jared's face.

He likes the closeness, and he knows that he's lucky to find himself where he is now. Maybe that's the reason why he forgives Jared so readily for tiny missteps or the long absences. Jensen just doesn't want to be a drag, and most of all he doesn't want to lose Jared over some stupid fight about him doing his work.

Smiling content up at Jared, Jensen pulls Jared down for a quick kiss. He licks his lips afterwards and grins at the heavy swallow Jared does at that.

"So, I've got a question I want to ask you." He leans back against the counter, Jared taking a step closer to him to keep them together. Jared's hands are resting on the small of his back, under the shirt that is bunched up.

"Ask away." Jared shuffles another half a step closer and suddenly Jensen almost finds himself bend backwards over the counter. The position has his back protest, and he clings to Jared's shirt to pull himself closer to Jared, trying to straighten his back.

"Sophia, you know, my friend from college, is having her wedding on the 17th of May, and I was wondering if you would be interested in going there with me." The question has Jared let go of Jensen and take a couple of steps back.

Different emotions flicker over Jared's face, none staying there long enough for Jensen to read them. In the end Jared just heaves a heavy breath, and runs his hands through his dishevelled hair. The actions have Jensen feel uneasy, and he wonders if he's pushing Jared too hard too fast.

"We talked about that, and we both agreed that it's better to keep quiet about us." Jared doesn't sound angry, but he sounds exhausted, and that's even worse. Jensen fears that sneaking around, not being able to see each other all that often, and having too lie all the time to everyone, is wearing Jared out. So, what if he decides that it's too much of a bother to stay with Jensen?

"Okay. I just thought I should ask." Jensen tries to hide the rejection he feels at Jared's words and actions, but he's not so sure if he's successful at it.

"Besides, I'm not in the States at that time. I have to be at Cannes. One of my movies is being shown, and there'll also be the first public viewing of the trailer for _The Worst Journey_." Jensen just nods at that. He knew that Jared is going to Cannes, but he hadn't known when exactly and for how long.

"Wow, so the Polar movie is finally getting promoted." He tries to lighten the mood by talking about Jared's work, and the movie that brought them together in the first place.

Jared just nods at that. He still keeps his distance from Jensen, almost as if he's reluctant to get too close to him. Jensen just turns back to the counter and continues getting everything ready for dinner.

He's slicing the bread, when Chris returns with the juice. He takes a look at them, and decides he doesn't like what he sees. Sending the other a glare, he keeps between Jensen and Jared, making sure that they can't get to each other.

Jensen can't help but sigh. This is already shaping up to be a disaster.


	6. Chapter 6

The talk about Sophia's wedding is ignored from that day on, and so Jensen finds himself on a plane to Canada with Tom and Mike, without his own plus one. Jared left two days ago and has long since crossed the Atlantic and reached France.

Jensen's been ignoring the uneasiness that wells up inside of him every time he thinks about the situation between him and Jared. Worrying about it doesn't change anything though, and so he tries to keep from over-thinking.

There are times where he's more successful and there are times when he can't keep from pondering what to do, and where to go from they are right now.

Their flight arrives on time in Calgary and they switch to the plane to Lethbridge. Finally arriving at their final destination they are relieved to find that none of their luggage got lost while being transported from one plane to the other.

Once they've collected their bags from the baggage claim, the three of them hail a cab and load their luggage and themselves into the car. The cab driver asks for their destination and they are off to the bed and breakfast they are staying at for the duration of the wedding.

Looking outside Jensen watches the city rush by, and his thoughts once more return to Jared. He ignores the conversation in the back, and wonders what Jared is doing right now.

The bed and breakfast they have reservations with is close to the wedding location, and the old building has been lovingly renovated. There's a nice young woman at the reception that smiles friendly at them as Tom, Mike and Jensen arrive, dropping their luggage on the floor to sign in for their rooms.

Their rooms are on the same floor, in the same corridor, and Jensen thanks the receptionist for the key when she hands it to him. The woman blushes lightly, and Jensen is somewhat flustered by the reaction. Mike just laughs at him, joking about his smoothness.

Jensen decides to ignore his friend and follows Tom upstairs, lugging his bags to the third floor. The house is not as large as a hotel, but it's rather big for a bed and breakfast. There are four floors, and there've got to be at least twelve guest rooms. On the third floor their rooms are on the corridor to the left side of the stairs. Jensen unlocks the door, carrying his bags inside

He likes the room. It's homey and bright with a large window down to the street below. Jensen sits down on the bed and lies back. He stretches and enjoys the soft comforter he's sinking into. When his eyes start to droop, he forces himself to get up and unpack his bags.

One by one the few items of clothes he brought with him for the three days here in Lethbridge disappear into the closet, and then he stacks the bags to the bottom. His shoes go next to the closet, and once he's finished with getting settled, Jensen heads out to check on Mike and Tom.

Arriving at their door, he can hear them talking inside. Mike laughing and Tom joining in soon after. Jensen hesitates for a second before he knocks on the door. It doesn't take more than a second before the door opens and Mike grins at him.

"All set?" Jensen just nods at that and steps past Mike into their room. Tom is emptying the last bag, and smiles at Jensen when he looks up.

"The place is nice." Mike snorts at Tom and rolls his eyes. Mike would never admit to liking the bed and breakfast, not now that Tom already said he does. Mike likes teasing Tom too much to let a chance like this slip by.

Jensen just chuckles and plops down on their bed.

"So, how about some food?" This has Mike nod enthusiastically, and Tom just puts the empty bag away and gets his wallet.

"Let's head out."

Together the three friends troop downstairs again, ask at the reception about where to get food, and make their way to the diner the young woman had recommended. There are few people on the street, but they are friendly greeting them. Jensen can't help but compare his own statesmen to the Canadians. It's not that Americans are rude or anything, but with the Canadian's there's a certain European charm to them. Like they haven't been their own country for decades.

They easily find the diner, and after being directed to a table they sit down. Jensen glances around and notices families and couples sitting together, talking, and laughing, having a great time.

The serving staff brings them the menus and asks for their drinks. Jensen orders a Coke, and starts perusing the menu. There are a couple of dishes he remembers from his student days. He chooses a steak and fries though, asking for a small salad as well.

Mike gets a burger and Tom orders steak as well. Their orders placed, they talk about tomorrow's wedding. Tom is, unsurprisingly, excited, and Mike teases him mercilessly about it. Jensen just smirks and hides his grin behind his glass of Coke.

Their food arrives quickly, and it's delicious. The moment when Jensen takes the first bite of the juicy steak he swears he's in heaven. They dig into the steaks and the burger like a pack of starved wolves. Desert is ordered, and when the apple pie with vanilla ice arrives together with their cups of coffee, they are already stuffed to the gills.

"This is seriously good food." Mike is taking a breather before he continues with desert. He's leaning back into the chair, giving his stomach more room.

"Yeah, this is an awesome place." Jensen eyes the pie with some trepidation. He maybe shouldn't have eaten all of the steak, but there's no way he won't a least try the pie in a great diner like this. It would be unforgivable to not eat at least a bite or two.

Tom is too full to participate in the conversation; he just groans and rubs his belly. Mike appreciatively watches the movement, and has Jensen rolls his eyes.

"You're such a dog." His comment has Tom look at Jensen confused. "Not you Tom, I'm talking to Mike."

But Mike just grins unrepentant, and take the first bite of the pie. His eyebrows shoot up and he stares at the pie in disbelief.

"Oh my god." And that's the last thing he says before silence descends over the table and they eat the most delicious apple pie they've ever had.

After dinner, they head back to the bed and breakfast and meet some of the other wedding guests staying there. Mike and Tom opt to stay with them to talk some more, but Jensen suddenly feels tiredness creeping up on him. He heads upstairs eager to get sleep.

He just strips he clothes and crawls into bed without brushing his teeth and falls asleep before he can think about giving Jared a call, and ask about how he's doing in France. They haven't heard from each other since Jared left for France two days ago.

Once around midnight Jensen gets woken up by a drunken Mike singing in the corridor, but besides that, he sleeps uninterrupted. It is the wake up call he ordered that wakes him in the morning. Jensen stays buried in the sheets, contemplating going to breakfast, but after all the food he had yesterday, plus the reception today after the wedding, he decides that he'll sacrifice the breakfast for a couple more hours of sleep.

About an hour later, Jensen gets up and plods over to the bathroom, making for the shower. There're complimentary tiny bottles of soap and shampoo, and Jensen gets into the stall, turning on the water and washing the grime of yesterday off.

He brushes his teeth in the shower as well, and once he's finished he grabs the towel on the rack next to the basin. He rubs over his head and starts on toweling his skin dry.

Jensen glances at the clock on the bedside table as he gets out of the bathroom after his shower. It says half past ten. He remembers that there's a broadcast of the Cannes festival on TV right now, and Jensen switches the set on, in the hope that he'll get to see Jared walking down the red carpet.

There's a blonde woman reporter on screen. She's talking about the history of the festival and introduces the more famous guests walking down the red carpet.

While keeping an eye on the screen, Jensen continues scrubbing himself dry and getting out his clothes for the wedding. He rubs over his chin and decides that a shave wouldn't hurt. He quickly lathers his chin and cheeks in shaving foam, and scrapes the stubble from his face. He can't help peeking into the bedroom, at the TV screen, every couple of seconds.

Washing the last remnants of foam off his face, Jensen darts back to the bedroom and continues watching the broadcast.

And then Jared comes onscreen. He's smiling brightly, and a beautiful woman is hanging on his arm. When Jensen sees her he can feel all of the air rushing out of his lungs. He knows her face. Jensen had seen it two months ago, laughing with Jared while playing with his dogs. And just like on the photos Jared is laughing again. It's his real laugh, from his core, enjoying himself, and definitely enjoying his company.

"And on the red carpet, walking into the Palais des Festivals et des Congrés, we have Jared Padalecki and Genevieve Cortese, the two leading actors of Sophia Coppola's next movie." The words are just hanging in the air; Jensen isn't able to fully process them. "Word is that sparks are flying between Hollywood's leading man and the up and coming brunette beauty."

"Yes, there have been rumors about a new Brangelina developing on the set of _Between Here and There_." Another reporter has joined the blonde woman who's been commenting the going-ons on the read carpet so far.

Jensen doesn't know what a Brangelina is, but he does know that Jared and Genevieve Cortese have been obvious enough for the press to catch on. Watching the two of them walking down the carpet, stopping for fans and press, getting their pictures take by photographers, and all the while having a great time doing it, Jensen has to realize that this something he will never be able to do, will never be able to share with Jared.

Not only is he not broken in where public appearances are concerned, but the problem of being in the closet about their relationship is, they could never walk down the carpet of such an event as a couple.

There's a bitter taste in his mouth as he continues to watch on screen the death of his relationship with Jared. The reporters continue to talk about how the two actors had been sighted only this afternoon, eating at a small café, enjoying each other's company. The details about their 'date' drive a stake into Jensen's chest, making it almost impossible to breathe.

"And now I have Genevieve with me." The blonde reporter is strategically standing in the other's way, making her stop and talk to the press. "Genevieve, tell us, how are you enjoying your first time here in Cannes?"

The woman holds her microphone out to the actress, who is smiling excitedly at her interviewer.

"It's just such a crazy experience. A year ago I was starting out as an actress nobody knew, but now I get to play in movies with big names like Johnny Depp or Jared Padalecki." She's playing the press like a pro, and Jensen thinks that she has to have been in the business for longer than one year.

"Talking about Jared Padalecki, how close are the two of you?" Jensen tenses at the question. He equally antidipates and fears the answer.

"Very close." Genevieve laughs, and Jensen dies. Just like that he's dead.

"Would you care to tell us more?" The reporter smells a good story, and tries to get more information out of her interviewee.

"No, that Jared and I share a bond." With this she waves at the camera and moves on.

The continuous chatter of the TV fades to the back, and Jensen sits on the bed, staring ahead, unseeing. All the things Tom had said, the arguments he had used himself, and the way Jared had treated him lately had not prepared him for something like this. But even in his worst fears, he had at least imagined that Jared would tell him (or in the worst case, have someone tell him) that he was no longer interested.

There's a knock on his door, and he can hear Mike tell him that they'll have to head out to the ceremony soon. Jensen blinks, glances at his watch and realizes that Sophia's wedding starts in an hour. Ever since the broadcast of the French film festival started, Jensen had barely continued getting ready for the ceremony.

Still in a daze, Jensen dresses himself in the suit and the nice dress shoes he brought with him, and tries to get his hair into something resembling order. He's just checking the mirror for the last time to see if he's looking presentable, when the door to his room opens and Tom peers in.

His friend is grinning excitedly, and Jensen forces himself to grin back. It feels like a grimace, but apparently it looks real enough, because Tom comes inside, all bushy tailed, and goes into a long winding story about today's wedding location, that bizarrely enough involves an elk and a family of ducks.

Jensen does his best to laugh at the appropriate places (when Tom does), and nods every once in a while. His brain is still in shock about what he saw and heard on TV. It's impossible to actually get invested into the tale Tom's telling.

When Jensen follows his friend out of the room, he finds Mike already waiting in the corridor. Mike sends Jensen a long suffering look that he ignores. He just heads down the corridor to the stairs and downstairs, and out of the bed &amp; breakfast. A group of wedding guests has already gathered on the sidewalk in front of the building, talking excitedly about the couple's great day.

Jensen feels bad about not being happy for his friend. Sophia is a person that is dear to him, and she's an awesome friend. She doesn't deserve Jensen's indifference. If he was a true friend, he would be happy, for her to have found the right person to share her life with.

Taking a deep breath, Jensen does his best to lock all the hurt away, inside him, and smiles at the other wedding guests. He's determined to celebrate alongside them. Jared and his back stabbing be damned.

Behind him he can hear Mike telling Tom to calm down, and stop to be so annoyingly excited. His friends come to a stop next to him, just as Tom accuses Mike of being the wedding Grinch. Jensen tunes out their bickering. It's the same at every wedding they attend.

The father of the groom arrives in his car, and informs the motley crew that they should start to head out. Slowly but surely the gathered crowd starts down the street to the park where the whole wedding party meets. Sophia had insisted on an outdoor ceremony and reception, and so a small park was rented for this purpose.

The path through the park leads to a small meadow, and the edges of the clearing are decorated with ribbons and lanterns. In the area where they enter the event location a long buffet has been prepared, and there are waiters handing out glasses with champagne.

Jensen takes a flute he's being offered and downs its content in one big swallow. The alcohol bubbles warmly in his stomach, and when the next waiting staff passes by he exchanges his empty glass for a full one.

Looking around he takes in the nicely decorated clearing. Its even more beautiful than Sophia had described. With another deep breath he gets in the right frame of mind for the wedding. He sips the champagne as he wanders around. In the end he joins Mike and Tom who are standing together with Chad and Gabe. Their two friends had only arrived today.

"Dude, Jensen look at us. This is the second time we've to dress up in monkey suits for the girls." Chad's greeting has the group laugh.

"Hey Chad." He claps his friends on the shoulder and for the first time since the horrible news he saw on TV he actually is in the mood for the wedding. Chad's humor and his sometimes inappropriate comments are just the thing he needs right now.

Mike and Chad both bitch a little more about why women have to get married and make men dress up in tight suits and uncomfortable dress shoes. They stop their moaning though when the father of the groom calls the guests to order and asks them to get to their seats. The wedding is about to begin.

The crowd moves to the rows of chairs that are facing the altar at the other end of the clearing. Tom is looking around, searching for their seats. He tells Mike to stop being so annoying and asks one of the other guests which side the one of the bride is.

Gabe points out their place in the row of chairs, and together they head for them. Jensen downs the rest of the alcohol and follows them. He's going to have fun today with his friends, and he'll be happy for Sophia and her husband.


	7. Chapter 7

Originally Jensen had planned on staying for another day in Lethbridge and return together with Mike and Tom, but in the end, he just wants to return home and ignore the world for some time. True, he had been able to cheer along with everyone else when the wedding couple had danced and cut the cake. He had hugged Sophia and told her that he was happy for her, and he had meant it.

But now that all the excitement is over, reality catches up with him. And that reality has a Jared in it that is enjoying his time in France with a woman that he shares a bond with.

It's not all that difficult to change his ticket, and he finds himself on a plane back to San Francisco in the early hours of the day after the wedding. There are almost no people at the airport or on board this early in the day, and Jensen is left to contemplate what to do with the situation he finds himself in.

The newspaper he gets from the flight attendant sports a huge picture of Jared and Genevieve, and underneath the photo he can read the headline, practically announcing their engagement. Jensen just folds the paper and drops it onto the empty seat next to him. He doesn't want to read anything about them.

In San Francisco he takes a cab to his house, and he opens the door to an empty home. Dean is with Chuck, who agreed to take the husky for the three days Jensen would be at the wedding. The silence that greets him upon entering depresses Jensen further, and he climbs the stairs to his bedroom to unpack his bags.

While he's sorting the clean from the dirty laundry, Jensen's cell rings. There are not that many different people that would call him today. After the news about Jared, the caller will either be Chris, Danneel, or Mike and Tom. With Mike and Tom most likely still asleep from the wedding, the possibility of the caller being Chris is even greater.

Jensen lets it go to the mailbox. He really doesn't want to hear either of his friends ask questions, and rag about Jared. That will be coming in the none too distant future anyway, but right now, with less than two hours sleep, and a slight hangover, Jensen really is in no state of mind to talk with them.

Once he's taken care of the bags and the laundry, Jensen takes a short shower. He feels gritty and a little disgusting after the night's celebration, lots of booze, and then hours of flight. The water seems to wash away some of the depression he's been feeling all day long, and he even manages to get dressed and call Chuck about picking Dean up, a day early.

He slips into sneakers and a light jacket, and picks up his wallet and car keys. Locking the door behind him, Jensen gets in his car. He turns the key in the ignition and heads out. The drive to Chuck's takes half an hour. The other professor lives even further out of San Francisco.

The small town is very quiet, and Jensen barely sees someone walking on the sidewalk as he drives down the main street. There are small shops, a barber, diners, a pharmacy, and an ice cream parlor. It looks to be a nice place to live in.

Chuck's house is right outside the town. The two storey building looks to be older than even Jensen's, and there's a vast expanse of green all around it. Jensen drives down the gravel driveway to the front of the house. He can see Dean running up to the car, his tail wagging, and barking excited. The display has Jensen smile for the first time since he returned to his room at the bed and breakfast after the wedding.

Jensen parks the truck, and opens the door. Dean is almost climbing into the driver's seat to get to him. The dog is licking his face.

"Did the evil man treat you badly." Jensen laughs amused at Dean's barking.

"Yeah, no food and lots of beatings." Chuck has walked up to the car and smiles at the reunion of dog and human. "One would think that I did experiments on him while you were gone."

Petting the husky, Jensen looks up at his colleague. "Who knows what kind of unspeakable things you did to my dog."

This has both of them chuckle. Dean noses at Jensen's hand, demanding more pats and scratches. Jensen eagerly indulges the husky. He likes carding his fingers through the thick fur. The dog hair is warmed from the sun, and the heat feels nice on his skin.

"Careful what you're saying. I know Loretta's favorite flowers and I'm not afraid to use this knowledge for petty revenge." Chuck grins smugly at Jensen.

"Everyone knows Loretta's favorite flowers." Jensen chuckles at the upset look on his colleagues face. "What? You thought you're the only one who ever had to bribe her?"

At that they laugh. There isn't a teacher, or faculty member who hasn't at least once tried to get into the secretary's good graces by bringing a bouquet of her favorite flowers. It's actually one of the first things one is told when starting at EESS. That and Dean Madsen's favorite truffles. Knowing these two things, there's nothing that can't be braved.

"Damn." Chuck grins at him. "There goes my leverage."

"Sorry." Jensen looks round and then back to Chuck. "I know I said it the last time, but I really like your place. It's great. Lots of space."

"Yeah, but also a lot of work. I try to do most of the garden work, and the vegetables and fruits myself. During exam time I have to ask for help, but mostly I take care of everything on my own." Jensen had already gotten the tour of the place the last time, and he knows how much work there is.

"Awesome." He gets around to the back of the truck and opens the trunk. He doesn't have the kennel with him, because he left it with Chuck, in case he would need to transport the husky. "Was he behaving himself?"

"Dean was behaving exemplary. Right?" Dean licks Chucks hand to show that he agrees with the human's assessment.

"Thanks again, for stepping in and taking Dean." Jensen pets Dean and follows Chuck to the garage where the kennel is stored.

"No problem, Dean was great to have around." There are two cars in the garage.

One Jensen already knows, it's Chucks car he drives to work with. It's a silver sedan, and there's nothing special about it. But the other car has Jensen stop in surprise. It's a 1967 Chevrolet Impala. The paint job is in a bad state, there are scratches all over the side, and in some spots the rust shows through. The front of the car is dented, and three out of four tires are flat.

"That's one hell of a car." Jensen walks over to the damaged vehicle, and peers inside. The front seat is a leather bench of an off-white color. There are a couple of cracks but on the whole the interior looks great.

"Yeah, I inherited it from my uncle and ever since its been taking up space in my garage." The words have Jensen look from the car to Chuck. There's an exasperated look on his colleagues' face.

"Why don't you have her restored? She's still got a lot of mileage in her." He trails his hand over the roof of the car, his fingers tracing over scratches and rust, catching on patches where the paint had been sanded away and left only the metal underneath.

"I don't really want to spend that much money on a car I'm not going to use in the end." Jensen checks out the back of the Impala and then comes back to the front. His inspection of the car is brought to an abrupt end with Chuck's next question. "Would you like the car?"

Jensen's head whips from the beaten up Chevy to his colleague, his eyes are wide with surprise. He is sure he heard wrong.

"What?" Chuck looks from Jensen to the car and then back to Jensen. He shrugs and waves at the Impala.

"I don't want it, and I've thought many times about just junking it, but it would be in bad memory of my uncle. I think he would want someone who likes the car to have it." The words are having Jensen stare at Chuck and then he slowly turns to the Chevy.

True there are quite a lot of things to repair, and that's only the obvious damage that can be seen, but it's a 1967 Chevy Impala. This has been Jensen's dream car ever since he thought about owning his own.

"You can't just give me the car." He just can't accept the car like that. It feels wrong to take it without anything in return.

"Well, you can pay be a thousand bucks and we're even." The price is not much for an old-timer, but considering the amount of damage, and the costs for the repair, it's not nothing either.

Jensen thinks a minute about it, but then he turns to Chuck and nods. "You've got a deal."

They shake hands on it, like they are at a car dealership. The thought of driving a completely restored Impala has Jensen all excited. In this moment he doesn't even think about Jared and Genevieve, and what they mean to Jensen's future. All he's thinking about is how to get his 'new' car home, and where to get a good mechanic.

With a last look back at the Chevy Jensen gets the kennel and carries it out to the truck. Dean has been running around while the humans had talked cars, but now he returns. He knows what the kennel means; it means that he's going home.

The husky's dancing excitedly around Jensen as he installs the kennel. Once it's secured and ready for transport, Jensen opens the door and has Dean jump inside. He locks the kennel and closes the trunk.

"I'll try to get it organized as fast as possible, and get the car out of the garage for you." Jensen glances one more time into the twilight of the garage where he can see the white of a front light.

"Don't worry. The car has been here for so long, it doesn't matter if it's staying for another couple of weeks. Just find a mechanic first, and then worry about getting it from my place to the shop." Chuck seems awfully happy about getting rid of the Impala, and Jensen can't imagine how it's possible that someone couldn't appreciate the beauty of the muscle car.

"Okay, thanks." He shakes Chuck's hand once more and then gets into his truck.

He notices the display of his cell phone blinking, showing him five missed calls and three messages. He doesn't switch off the silent modethough, just shoves the phone into the furthest corner of his glove compartment. Jensen doesn't want anything to kill the joy buzz he feels right now.

Jensen waves at Chuck as he pulls away from the house and drives down the gravel road. As he reaches the end of it, and pulls out into town, he turns on the car radio. He dials until he finds a classic rock station that's playing The Eagles. While some poor sod enters Hotel California, Jensen drives up the state road to San Francisco.

During the drive home, Jensen's thoughts are equally occupied by Jared and his new car. Thinking about the car makes Jensen all giddy and happy, wishing for the Impala to be repaired already. While pondering about Jared drags him down. With all these mood swings he feels like a manic depressive.

Banishing all worries and fears about what will happen the next time he sees Jared in the back of his mind, Jensen manages to cling to the good mood from his visit with Chuck. Dean is with him again – so the house won't be as empty – and he's got a weekend ahead that he can spend in the garden, planting some flowers for the summer.

With these thoughts foremost on his mind, he pulls into his driveway and parks the truck. He gets out of the car and lets Dean out of the kennel. While the dog is skipping over the front yard, and checking that it is exactly like he left it two days ago, Jensen gets the keys and his wallet. After a second or two of contemplation, he digs through the glove compartment to retrieve his phone.

Jensen finds six more missed calls and five more messages waiting for him. Sighing he tucks it into the back pocket of his jeans and locks the truck.

Walking over the lawn, he looks up when his neighbor Bill calls his name. As annoyingly helpful the guy had been right at the beginning, he's become a somewhat reliable helper in all things gardening and repairs around the house. There's isn't a power tool the man doesn't own, and he has numbers for every handworker and gardener that you will ever need.

"Hi Jensen!" Nodding his greeting Jensen walks up to Bill.

"Hey! Are you already cutting back the roses?" His neighbor has a large bucket with him that is already half full with rose petals and blooms.

"Yeah, they are already starting to wither. If I cut them back now, they might bloom a second time this year." Jensen curiously watches as Bill cuts blossom after blossom off the bright red roses. It seems like such a waste, and Jensen almost feels sorry about it.

"So, your trip ended sooner than planned?" The question has Jensen tense, but then he reminds himself that his neighbor can't know anything about why Jensen returned early.

Thinking back on the times that Jared visited, Jensen admits that there is the slight possibility that Bill knows that Jensen and Jared are more than just good friends, but there's no reason to get paranoid.

"Yeah, Things came up, and so I returned a little early. Was a good thing though." Jensen reaches down and pets Dean who's joined them, and is sitting next to him, leaning against Jensen's leg. "I bought a 1967 Chevy Impala today."

Bill is whistling, grinning impressed. "That's awesome. Still in prime condition?"

"Not so much. The car needs a lot of TLC, but she's a real beauty." Just like before, talking about the car makes him happy, and distracts from his worries.

"You need the number of a good mechanic?" The question has Jensen smile. Why doesn't it surprise him that Bill knows a mechanic as well. Maybe Jensen should just go to his neighbor the next time something is acting up, and have Bill and his army of business cards take care of everything.

"That would be great." Jensen watches how his neighbor heads into the house with the promise to return promptly with the number of the recommended mechanic.

Jensen can feel the cell phone starting to vibrate in his pocket, and fishes it out. Chris' ID is on the display, and Jensen wants to hide. Why do his friends always have to talk to him about his relationship with Jared? It's bad enough the he has this insane urge to mope, but talking with Chris or anyone else about it, he'll have to actually 'talk' about it.

His thoughts are interrupted by Bill's return. His neighbor hands him the card, and promises that the mechanic will be perfect to restore the Impala. Also, that Jensen just has to mention Bill's name at the garage, and he'll get a special price.

Pocketing the card, Jensen thanks his neighbor. After some more talk about gardening, and a short discussion about Jensen's plan for the next day (which does involve garden work), he says his thanks and his goodbyes.

Inside the house, he sets the card of the mechanic on the kitchen counter to make sure he'll find it when he needs it, and once more gets his phone out of the pocket. Another missed call, and Jensen knows that if he isn't picking up any time soon, he'll have them all in front of his door, demanding to be let in.

With a heavy sigh, he selects Chris' number and dials. Jensen presses the phone tightly against his ear, listening to the call being connected. Barley a single ring at the other endand Chris picks up.

"Dude, where were you?" His friend sounds both worried and pissed off. Jensen sits down to settle in for a long call. When Chris is in this mood (which is totally Jensen's fault) there's no way of ending the conversation before Chris says it's over.

"I was picking up Dean from Chuck, and then I got talking with my neighbor." He knows that this will not count as an excuse, since Chris knows that Jensen always has his phone on him.

"What the fuck, Jensen! I was picturing you doing something idiotic over that asshole." Jensen cringes at the loud shout that hollers through the line and into his ear.

"I'm sorry." And he is. But maybe he's not sorry enough. Because thinking about it some more, it was a really shitty thing to do, letting Chris, and Danneel, and Mike and Tom callwithout picking up or calling back.

"You bet you are." His friend sounds more pissed than worried right now. Jensen wants to calm Chris down, when the bell at his front door rings.

Trying to continue his conversation while opening the door, Jensen has the phone wedged between his cheek and his shoulder. When he finally gets the front door open, he comes face to face with a fuming trio going by the names of Danneel, Mike and Tom.

"Uh." Chris is still ranting in his ear, and his other friends are shoving him back into the hall, glaring as they lug bags inside his house.


	8. Chapter 8

The next morning, when Jensen wakes up, he's got a headache and his ears are still ringing from all the shouting.. Apparently, when they had seen the news about Jared and Genevieve in the morning, Chris and Danneel had called Mike and Tom. Once it had been determined that Jensen had already returned to San Francisco, they had tried to reach him on the phone.

With the phone not being answered, it had led to a mass exodus from Canada to the US. Now Jensen has three people sleeping in his guest rooms, who want to continue what they started last night, shouting at Jensen some more for being an asshole.

Burying his head under his pillow, Jensen wishes everyone would just disappear. How is he supposed to mope and get all depressed, if his 'friends' insist on shattering his eardrums with all their yelling?

There's scratching on his door and he just wants to turn around and pretend to be still asleep, but it's a really douchy thing to do, to take it out on Dean. The husky had been excited at the hoard of people showing up, but after the first hour of shouting, he had been confused, somehow believing that everyone was angry with him, and not Jensen, and in the end the husky had hidden in the downstairs bathroom, to keep out of everyone's way.

Groaning pitifully, Jensen untangles himself from his sheets and rolls out of bed. He stumbles to the door and opens a crack just wide enough to let Dean in.

The dog wedges through, past Jensen, into the bedroom and jumps onto the rumpled bed. Jensen cards his fingers through his hair, and scratches his chest. He glances at Dean, who has rolled into a doggy pile, and goes to take a shower. It will help him to wake up, and get ready for the morning run.

Clean, and somewhat more alert than before the shower, Jensen gets his clothes out. He steps into sweats and a t-shirt, that proudly announces '_Stanford Athletic Team_'. Dressed for the work out, he calls Dean and they head out of the room, and downstairs.

The house is quiet, and after the noise yesterday, this is more than welcome. Jensen grabs the leash from the dresser, but only strapping it over his chest and shoulder. With a last check if he's got keys with him, Jensen and Dean leave the house.

They jog up the street to where the dust track veers off into the fields. His feet are pounding on the dirt, creating tiny clouds of smoke. It feels good to get some exercise. The running also helps with clearing his head . It's like something out of those Zen lifestyle guides, where you are told that you should find your inner centre. Jensen is right there, bulls eye, when he's jogging through the nature all around him.

Dean runs left and right, crossing the track, and following scents he comes across. The husky occasionally checks up on Jensen, as if to make sure that his human doesn't get lost, and then he disappears to some bush or mole hill in the fields, letting Jensen jog on.

The morning air is balmy and the sun is already announcing that the day will get rather hot. There're no clouds in the sky, and no breeze is to be felt either.

In the distance Jensen can see a jackrabbit watching their approach suspiciously before it zigzags away. Dean tries to follow but the distance is too great and the rabbit is too fast. The dog returns, head hanging, disappointed he didn't catch the animal.

Jensen just pats his head and tells him that it's okay, that he can't catch everything. Their run takes them past the shed of the farm, and next to it they find Ellen, the farmer's wife, cleaning some buckets. She waves at them as Jensen and Dean pass by, and Jensen waves back.

Once the dirt track ends, they turn to the right and continue on the path that leads through the meadows and fields to the wilderness behind Jensen's house. They discovered the path by chance, and ever since they take this way to return home. Jensen even uprooted one of the bushes and had a gate built, so that they can come and go without any trouble.

The path is narrow, and barely to be made out, but Jensen knows the way by heart, and he jogs without checking if he's running in the right direction. The last part leads through the trees and bushes right behind Jensen's garden. As they make their way through it, there's some rustling to the left and the cats join them like every other morning.

He opens the gate to let their ragtag group inside the garden, and closes it behind them again. On the porch he can see Danneel sitting in a chair, watching their approach, a cup of something steaming (most likely coffee) in her hands. She cups her eyes and pears at the cats and the dog bounding up to the house.

With the run over, Jensen stretches and makes sure that his muscles don't start to cramp. He shakes out his limbs and then walks up to the house, climbing the stairs onto the porch.

"Morning." He cautiously scans Danneel's face to estimate her mood.

"Morning." Her reply is calm, with none of the anger from yesterday in her tone. She reaches down to pet one of the cats, and raises her cup with the other hand, taking a sip.

"Sleep well?" Jensen sits down in the chair opposite her and sprawls relaxed.

"Like the dead." Another sip and then she sets the cup down on the table. "Jensen, about yesterday."

He tenses, expecting the shouting to start up again.

"Yeah." Taking a breath he prepares for what is to come.

"I'm sorry." This has him blink confused at Danneel.

"Uh, what?" Jensen stares at her in confusion. After all the shouting, and yelling, she's sorry?

"Yesterday we all were just so worried because we couldn't reach you, and when we saw you standing there, nothing wrong with you, I just got so angry. I'm sorry I yelled at you like that. And I take back that you are a sucky friend." The last sentence she mumbles so quietly that Jensen almost doesn't hear her.

"Okay. Thanks." He frowns. He hadn't expected her to feel bad about berating him for his asshole behavior, but he's glad that she doesn't think that his friendship sucks. "And I'm really sorry for making everyone worry. I just didn't want to talk about it."

"Not even with me." At that she gives him her best puppy look. Even going so far as to batting her eyes for a more dramatic effect.

Jensen snorts at the display. "Sorry, not even you."

Danneel just nods her understanding and picks her cup up again. She sips and looks out into the garden.

"You know, one good thing about that whole mess is that I finally got to see your house." She turns to him and smiles. "It's very beautiful. I like it."

The two of them continue to just sit in silence and enjoy the peace and quiet. Dean joins them, rolling up under the table and one of the cats curls up with him. Jensen has turned his chair, to be able to look out into the garden as well. The pale green of spring has slowly but surely been replaced by the richer shade of summer.

Most of the flowerbeds are still empty, but in the few where Jensen planted already, there are splashes of color. Seeing how everything changes with the seasons, and how the garden transforms once more into his own little paradise, Jensen promises to himself that he won't let anyone jerk him around. No-one.

The decision made, he knows that it will be hard to do, but he has to tell Jared that they aren't working out. In the beginning when Jared had been all enthusiastic, obsessed with the chase, and the promise of success, he had pictured their time together quite different from what it is now.

They are both at fault, but Jensen could change only one thing, to compromise even more. He would have to move to LA, and move in with Jared. He would have to give up the life he has here in San Francisco, and stay at Jared's house, to be around when the other has time.

But as much as he likes and wants Jared, that is something he isn't willing to do. He promised himself in the past, that he would never give himself up for someone else, and even though he was able to retain most of his self, he already changed more than he would have done for anybody else.

His contemplation is interrupted when the door opens and a sleepy Tom comes out onto the porch, blinking puffy eyes at them. He blearily looks from Danneel to Jensen and back to Danneel, and then he wedges through behind Danneel, and plops down in the chair to her right. The moment he's sitting, his elbows come up on the table, and he rests his head on his arms.

"Uh…" There's nothing added to that, and Jensen knows that Tom won't say anything else for some time. He's not even remotely a morning person. Having been scared out of bed yesterday, chasing Jensen from Canada to the States, and berating his friend until deep into the night, is something that makes waking up in the morning even harder.

They stay like that, Tom resting, Danneel sipping her cold coffee, and Jensen just thinking. But it doesn't stay peaceful for very long. Not too long after Tom had joined them, Mike peers out and finds them sitting together. With a loud 'ha' he shoves Jensen to the side and climbs over him to the only other empty chair.

"So, are we going to talk like normal people today?" Mike's question has Danneel snort into her cup and Tom groan. "What, the only thing we did yesterday was shout at the dickhead. We still haven't talked about the asshole."

Leave it to Mike to explain a situation with the maximum usage of swear words. Jensen just raises his eyebrow and glances at his friend. At least he's the dickhead and not the asshole. Jensen takes what he can get.

"Shut it, Rosenbaum." Danneel whacks Mike's elbow and gives him her best glare. Jensen is glad that he isn't on the receiving end of it.

Mike can't be bothered by it though. He just raises an eyebrow, and then turns back to Jensen. "So?"

"I already said–" He doesn't get any further than this though, before his friend rolls his eyes.

"I don't want to hear the same crap you told us yesterday, and I don't care about you being a complete douche. I'm asking about what is going on with Jared and that bitch."

And that is the big question that the press is sure they've answered. Normally Jensen doesn't give a crap about what reporters write, but this isn't a single incident. Jared has been with that woman more than once, and he never even mentioned her to Jensen. Saying that it is a misunderstanding just doesn't work this time. Not with what she said, and Jared not denying it. Not with Jared being this happy with her and conveniently forgetting to tell Jensen about his new 'friend'.

"It's not the first time there were pictures of the two of them." Saying it out loud is hard, like it makes it more real. It hurts, and Jensen thinks that the words taste very bitter on his tongue.

"What?" Mike's question is mirrored in the twin looks of confusion on Tom's and Danneel's faces.

"A couple of weeks back, about two months ago; there were these pictures in a magazine about Jared and a woman playing with his dogs at his house." He takes a deep breath before he goes on. "But it was only this one magazine, and no-one said anything about it anywhere else. So, I just thought it was'nt important."

Which is not true. Because right after he saw the photos, he knew that they were important. But both Tom's words and Jared's ignorance of the incident, had changed his mind. Putting his worries to rest, and convincing him that he shouldn't spend any time thinking about it anymore.

"Jensen." Danneel looks at her, all compassionate and sorry, and Jensen suddenly feels anger boiling up in him. He doesn't want his friends to look at him like that. Pitying him, and treating him like he's made of glass. The shouting and yelling of yesterday was way better than anything that will come now.

"Danneel, don't." He glares at her, having her stare at him in surprise. "I don't want to be pitied. This, all of it, sucks. And having my friends treating me like I might break doesn't make it better. I want to not think about it."

"But Jensen, you can't ignore what's going on." Tom is leaning back in his chair and keeping a close watch on Jensen. His puffy and sleepy eyes are fixed on Jensen. "That's what you've been doing all winter. You get hurt by his behavior, try to keep from obsessing about it, and then, once he gives you a call or visits you, you simply 'forget' it ever happened.

"Yeah, dude. This time you can't let him get away with it." Mike slaps his hand on the table. The loud smack that has Dean wake up and peer out from under the table, checking on the humans.

"I'm not planning on letting him get away with it." His words have the others roll their eyes and snort. They don't believe him, think that he will cave like he did in the past. "No, I mean it. I won't answer his calls, and I will tell him that we just won't work out."

Their eyes are still skeptical, and Jensen can understand their reluctance in believing him. His actions in the past created a very different picture of his interactions with Jared. But, he's determined to not let Jared walk all over him. Not this time.

His determination is tested right after he's made his statement, when his phone rings, and Jensen finds Jared's ID on the display. Demonstratively, he sets the phone down on the table and lets it ring until it goes to the mailbox.

As the backlight of the phone display goes out, he can feel his racing heart start to slow down again and the tight knot in his throat gets smaller as well. Looking up, he finds his friends watching him closely. He swallows hard, knowing that they are aware how difficult this is for him. They are worried that he won't have the strength every time.

Jensen is tempted to switch the phone to silent mode, but the thought of his family or colleagues, or Chris, trying to reach him, keeps him from doing so.

The four of them stay like this for some time. The phone lying in the middle of the table, Jensen's eyes on it, and his friend's eyes on him. It doesn't ring again, just sits there like the device of doom. At least it feels like this to Jensen, who is getting more antsy with every second. The weight of the other's stares is making him feel nervous and uncomfortable.

When the display of the cell lights up again, giving a short beep and announcing a new message, Jensen's heart stops for a second. He wonders if he should delete it without listening what Jared had to say, to take away the temptation, but he just can't force himself to do so.

It is the cats scratching on the back door that finally wakes him from this stupor he's in, having him get up, and leave the phone behind on the table.

"How does pancakes with syrup, eggs and toast, OJ, and coffee sound?" His question is answered by three looks that remind him of starving children in some Third World slum. Jensen grins and shakes his head. He opens the door and heads inside to prepare some breakfast, Dean and the cats following closely behind him.

In the kitchen he starts to brew some fresh coffee, and scrambles the eggs. While the coffee is dripping into the pot, Jensen prepares the food for the animals and sets the bowls down in their feeding corner. Dean shares his bowl with Paws, the other cats eat from the other bowl.

"D'you need some help?" Danneel's voice has him turn his head. His friend is hovering in the door, unsure if she'll get in the way.

"Sure." Jensen shuffles to the side and makes some space for Danneel. "How about you make the pancakes?"

She just nods and goes about preparing the batter, and getting a pan for later.

The same time Danneel takes care of the sweet part of the breakfast, Jensen scrambles and seasons some more eggs, and gets the toaster out of the cupboard. He loads the dishes and the cutlery onto a tray, together with the spreads and the butter. Finding Danneel almost finished with her part of the cooking as well, Jensen carries the tray outside, and together with Mike and Tom, sets the table, and sets up the toaster.

A couple of minutes later, as Jensen is pouring out the coffee, Danneel joins them with a full plate of pancakes and a bottle of maple syrup. Mike's eyes get a scary gleam when he reaches for his fork. Everyone makes sure to stay out his way, as he spears a nice stack and transfers them to his own plate.

"You now, no-one's trying to take them away from you." Tom's comment earns him a doubtful look from Mike and amused snickers from Jensen and Danneel.


	9. Chapter 9

Jared shows up at Jensen's door two weeks after the pictures of him and the woman at Cannes were on TV. He's been calling Jensen dozens of times, and each and every time Jensen had ignored it, not even checking the messages before deleting them.

So when the door bell rings on Sunday, and Jensen opens it to find Jared waiting on the door step, his first reaction is to close it in Jared's face. The second time he opens the door, he keeps it open but refuses Jared entrance into the house. Jensen is well aware of the temptation of Jared inside his home. There is no way he'll let Jared get away easy.

"Jensen." Jared looks disheveled, and his eyes are bloodshot, as if he hadn't gotten any sleep. "Can I come in and talk?"

"No." The coldness in his voice has Jared flinch, and Jensen feels a strange kind of satisfaction.

"Jensen, please." There's no whining, just bone deep exhaustion, and a hint of desperation.

But Jensen stays strong, and glares at Jared. "There's nothing we have to talk about. And stop calling me nonstop."

When he tries to close the door again, Jared's hand shoots out, and he keeps Jensen from closing it. The action makes Jensen angry. He doesn't want to talk to Jared, and he definitely doesn't want to hear Jared's excuses for something that Jensen thinks is inexcusable.

"Please listen." Jared steps up to him, trying to crowd him back, and into the house. And it works. Jared wedges past him into the hallway. Dean who's been peering around the corner, curious about what is going on, cautiously approaches them. Ever since the shouting incident when Tom, Mike and Danneel had shown up, he's careful about coming between humans who are tense.

"I told you that I don't want to talk with you, and I also said that you aren't welcome here." Jensen stubbornly refuses to look at Jared. He really doesn't want to see the puppy eyes that Jared is most probably making at him.

"You can't just ignore me like that, not letting me explain myself." The indignation in Jared's voice has Jensen whip his head around.

He can feel his blood start to boil. How dare Jared get all pissy about Jensen's behavior? After all the things that have happened in the past, there's not one incident where Jensen caused even half the grief Jared has been causing. The media debacle last summer, the accusations and the insults that ensued, the coldness and distance all winter, and now the betrayal in front of the whole world. Jensen clenches his teeth, and balls his fists. He really wants to punch Jared in the face.

"The least you can do is let me explain." And with that Jensen draws back his right fist and smashes it into Jared's face.

He's vibrating with pent up pressure, his anger and hurt making him almost explode. "How dare you come here and demand that you have any rights about anything at all?"

Jared's standing there, his eyes full of surprise and bafflement as his hand rubs over the spot where Jensen's fist connected with his face.

"This whole Genevieve what's-her-name thing is the last straw, and there is nothing that I owe you. You had more than enough chances in the past to make things right. Now it's too late." His chest heaves and Jensen has to force himself to not attack Jared again.

"What do you mean I had chances in the past? I tried to call you; I sent you messages and e-mails. You never responded, you never picked up the phone." Jared's expression is changing from confused to pissed off and he's glaring accusingly at Jensen. It's like some bizarre face down in Jensen's hallway.

"You think that after you're flaunting your 'girlfriend' on TV, I'm even remotely interested in talking with you? You've got to be joking." Jared's warped sense of what is right has Jensen wonder what is going on in the other's head. How can Jared even think about Jensen being at fault in any kind of way?

"Hell yeah, I think that you should be interested in talking with me and letting me explain things. That's what having a relationship means. You talk about things." Jared's shouting at him now, his eyes gleaming angrily at Jensen.

"Newsflash, Padalecki, having sex when you're in the mood for it does not make a relationship. At best, it makes us fuckbuddies, and as your fuckbuddy I'm telling you that you'll have to find someone else to get your rocks off with." Dean scampers off, now that the shouting has started. The husky disappears into the living room, and Jensen wishes he could do the same.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? We are more than fuckbuddies, and you can't just break up with me because of something you saw on TV. You don't even know what the real story is behind it." Jensen thinks that if it were possible, there would be laser beams shooting out of his eyes, boring into Jared's skull.

"What is wrong with me? It's more like, what is wrong with you? You think that I'm really that stupid, don't you? I saw the pictures of you and her at your house that were in the media, and I'm well aware that even though I don't know the full story behind them, you never once denied any of the assumptions that have been coursing through the press." Jensen's voice has lowered the volume, but there is steel in it that makes it hard and unyielding. "I don't give a damn if your PR guy or your manager said you shouldn't say anything, or if you are okay with everything yourself. I know that ever since I moved here to make this thing, what ever it was, between us work, I have been hidden away, ignored, and treated like trash. And I've had it. Go and fuck that woman, I don't care. I want you to leave and take all you drama and shit with you."

Jared's face is growing darker and darker with every word Jensen says. It's like a thunderstorm brewing, ready to break out at any provocation. "You're a hypocritical asshole. We both decided to keep things quiet."

"That was more than half a year ago, and it's not about going to the press. I'm sick and tired of never being able to talk with anyone about my relationship, pretending to be single. Except Chad, who was there since the beginning, not one of your friends know about us Even though some of my friends know, I can't even introduce the person that should be the most important one to me to my family." And when he says it, Jensen realizes that all of this should have told him much earlier that their relationship could never work out.

"So what? You want me to introduce you to my family? Want me to out myself to them?" The anger in Jared's voice comes as no surprise and Jensen takes deep breaths to release some of the pressure inside himself. He consciously unclenches his fists, trying to keep himself in check.

"It doesn't matter what I wanted. What I want right now is for you to leave and not come back. I don't want to see you again." He takes a step back, making room for Jared to leave and points at the front yard.

Jared takes a step closer to him, half glaring, half pleading with his eyes. He shakes his head and rolls his shoulders. "This is not over."

"Yes, it is. Goodbye, Jared." When Jared opens his mouth to say something else, Jensen glares at him and then turns away, signaling his refusal to continue the conversation.

When it's obvious that there will be no more talking, and that Jensen is more than unwilling to listen to Jared's explanations, Jared huffs and strides to the open door. In the doorway, he stops and looks Jensen in the eye.

"Don't think I've given up." His voice cracks at the last words and his determination sounds more like desperation in the end.

Once Jared's left, Jensen slams the door closed and locks it. His hands are shaking and his legs aren't able to keep him up any longer. He sits down on the floor and takes deep breaths. It's just too much; he's not used to so much drama in his life. It drains him.

Dean comes out of his hideout and curls around Jensen, the canine's head resting on his thigh. Jensen reaches down and absentmindedly pets the husky. His fingers card through the thick fur, and scratches behind Dean's ears. The action soothes him, and Jensen calms down. He keeps on petting Dean until he finds the strength inside himself to get up from the floor.

For the rest of the day, Jensen is exhausted and tired. He calls Chris and Danneel, and talks with them about the confrontation. Chris calls Jared every name that he can think of, and Danneel describes quite vividly what she wants to do to some parts of Jared's anatomy.

After having gotten his necessary mental reinforcement from his friends, Jensen is once more certain that he's doing the right thing, and that he should have done it long before now. The rest of the day, and the next two weeks, he continues to screen his phone calls, deletes any message or e-mail Jared sends him, and if he gets a little paranoid, checking his driveway and the street every time he come home from work, or his door bell rings, it's totally normal of course.

It's two weeks before the AE expedition to Ecuador starts, that he's home in the evening when he gets a message. Jensen flips his phone open, and reads the words on his display.

_Watch 'Inside the Actors Studio'_

Jensen stares at the words, confused about who is sending him the message. Checking the number, he finds out that it's Jared's. This makes him want to ignore the command, balking at the tone of the message.

A glimpse at his watch reveals that the show is about to start. Jensen scans the phone display once more, and then he flaps the phone closed. He goes to the kitchen, takes a glass from the cupboard, and fills it with water. Jensen stares at the full glass in his hands, and then he shakes himself, and with a curse muttered under his breath, he heads to the TV in the living room.

He switches it on right on time to hear James Lipton announce his guest. The interviewer looks gravely into the camera. "Tonight's guest will be talking about his new upcoming movie, in which he portrays a charismatic explorer, whose obsession with the quest for the unknown becomes his fate. Please welcome with me, Jared Padalecki."

The audience claps and cheers excitedly, the volume deafening. Jensen sees blushing and smiling women, next to men (who eye their neighbors cautiously). Once again he has to admit to himself that believing they had a chance to work out, had been nothing but utopian.

It's not only the secrecy of their relationship that had been a constant strain; it's also the constant reminders of their difference. The discrepancy between Jensen's rather quiet public life and Jared's omnipresence publicity-wise had been in Jensen's face, quite literally.

He watches as Jared enters the stage, smiling and waving at his fans. Jared's wearing dress pants (which he usually only does for award shows), a crisp white shirt, and a dark grey leather jacket. Jensen likes the way Jared looks, and he has to forcefully remind himself that they no longer are an item.

While Jensen had been contemplating Jared's looks and their effect they shouldn't have on him, Jared and James Lipton have sat down and the interview starts.

"Jared, you have been on _Inside the Actor's Studio_ once already. So, you missed my presence enough to come back for more?" The question has Jared laugh, his eyes crinkling, and dimples carving into his cheeks.

"I was all broke up the last time when I had to leave." Jared grins mischievously at his host. "But now I'm back."

"Now you're back. Having starred in more movies since the last time, than some actors appear in their whole life, and you're introducing your new movie _The Worst Journey_. It's a historic drama about the early explorations of the Polar Regions." At this Jared nods enthusiastically, his whole body moving forward as he leans closer to his vis-à-vis.

"That's right. The main character is based on explorers like Franklin, Scott, Ammundsen, Shackleton, or Weinprecht. The story is fiction but it was greatly inspired by real events." Jensen watches Jared talk with passion about Jensen's world, and it pains him to know that he can't have that, can't share things he likes, with Jared anymore.

"So you read about the lives and hardships of those historic explorers as a preparation?" James Lipton looks out to the audience for dramatic effect. "Was there a history exam at the end?"

Jared laughs at that. "Actually, yes, there was. Sure I read some books and looked the names up on Wikipedia, but the director wanted us to actually know what we're doing."

"You and Chad Michael Murray, who plays the explorer friend of your character."

"There was a bunch of us. Chad and me, Hayden, Adrian, and a couple of other supporting characters. We were all shipped off to Alaska, to go on an Arctic boot camp." Jared's smile has the interviewer grin and the audience laugh. "We were dropped off at a research station, and I think that the people who lived and worked there, weren't even warned about what was going to happen. All of a sudden their research compound was invaded by a bunch of actors, who were more of a hindrance than anything else."

The audience laughs even harder at Jared's embarrassed look, and Jensen is tempted to switch off the TV to not have to watch Jared endearing himself not even to the fans and his interviewer, but to Jensen as well.

"All of you were sent to Alaska for Polar training?" Lipton raises an eyebrow, waiting for Jared to explain some more.

"Yeah, we had a full program for four weeks. Polar botany and zoology, medical training, polar history, survival training and mushing." The excitement that Jared displays when talking about his time in Alaska has the women in the audience giggle.

"Mushing?" There's a close up of Jared's face, and Jensen can for the first time see that even though Jared's been laughing and joking the whole time, there's a deep exhaustion lurking in his eyes. Make up can maybe hide bags and rings under his eyes, but not the emotions reflected inside them.

"Yeah, steering a dog sled. The early explorers walked everywhere, or had dogs with sleds with them. At the compound in Alaska they had a sled and a dog team as well." Jensen thinks back to the mornings that Jared and him had spent taking care of the team. Things had been so easy back then.

"So, the actors were trained in Arctic and Polar life."

"Pretty much everything you have to know about living in the North, we were taught at the boot camp." Jared leans back into his chair, his right hand reaching up, and fingers carding through his hair.

"What did you like best about the boot camp?" James Lipton mirrors Jared's pose and watches his guest's face.

"Working with the dogs were definitely the best lessons that were taught. Jensen Ackles, who was our teacher in all things survival and medic, always rewarded each of our snow shoe excursions with a day of working with the dogs." Jared's grinning at the host.

"I take it snow shoe excursions weren't too popular." At this Jensen snorts. _Not too popular_ is a nice way of describing the actors' thoughts and comments on snow shoeing.

"They were the worst thing to do. Really, after the first time Jensen had us trudge through the snow for hours, we were dead on our feet. The next day I was barely able to get up in time for the dogs in the morning." Jared's grin and his groaning has the audience laugh about the plight the actors had been in.

"Did the training help with the process of acting?"

"Definitely. You know, I'm not a method actor. It's one thing to read about the hardships those explorers had to face, and then to actually live in the Polar Region and experience what life is really like in such an environment, it helped greatly with getting into character. And I have to say that Jensen was my role model when I prepared my role. He's been to the North Pole, crossed the South Pole, and has been on expeditions along the Northwest and the Northeast Passages. He's also part of a group of scientists and environmentalists that work for more public awareness to the problems of global warming and climate change." Jensen's heart speeds up as he listens to Jared's passionate speech about Jensen's life.

"That sounds very impressive." Lipton turns to the camera and raises an eyebrow. "I think I'm interviewing the wrong person."

Jared laughs heartily at the joke. "Yeah, compared to him a lot of macho men look like pansies. The funny thing is that he's from Dallas, Texas. Just like me. Who'd think to find a Texas boy in North Alaska? I sure didn't."

"Are you still in contact with him, getting some last minute advice on the movie?" Jared's reaction to the question is a heavy sigh. "Not right now. Him and me had a little falling out because of the media uproar and the stories that were written about me and Genevieve Cortese being a couple. Which is not true by the way."

Lipton watches Jared like a hawk when he asks the next question. "If the stories about the affair between you and Genevieve Cortese aren't true, why did you have a falling out?"

"Well, you see, Jensen and I were a couple. Since last summer actually. All the lies and the secrecy about our relationship got to him, and he called things off." Jensen is frozen in front of the TV, watching Jared turn to the camera and looking right at him. "I'm sorry about what I did, and for not standing up when it was needed of me to do so."

The uproar on TV, when the audience starts to react to Jared's outing on TV, is only background noise. Jensen stares speechlessly at the television screen. Jared had come out on TV, to the whole world, and he's asked Jensen for forgiveness.


	10. Chapter 10

In two days his flight to Ecuador leaves, but Jensen has problems with concentrating on the last preparations for his expedition. Ever since Jared's coming out, his phone has been ringing nonstop, and more and more reporters have started to hound him. They've been camping out on the sidewalk in front of his house, some even lurking in the bushes and trees behind his garden.

After watching Jared's public apology to him, Jensen had been getting calls from friends and family, asking about what is and was going on. Some, like Chris, or Mike and Tom, had warned him not to give in too easily. It hadn't taken long for the press to catch up to the fact that the story of last summer is finally the truth. So Jensen's been held up at campus, in town, and on his street, being asked about his past relationship with Jared.

The headline of the daily newspaper the morning after the airing of the show, had been _Padalecki gay!_ Jensen can only imagine what life must be like for Jared right now. Even being used to the publicity and the constant surveillance is of no real help in a situation like this.

So when Jensen's door bell rings, he finds Jared waiting on the door step. Ignoring the reporters who are sticking their microphones into his face and bombarding him with questions, Jensen opens his front door, and ushers Jared inside the house. No way is he going to leave Jared outside with these vultures.

Once the door is closed and locked, Jensen leans back against it. Staring at Jared who's fidgeting and watching the floor, Jensen heaves a heavy sigh and just watches.

"So, you, uh, watched the show?" At this Jensen rolls his eyes. Even if he hadn't, the press frenzy since then would have clued Jensen in fast enough.

"Yeah, I watched you come out to James Lipton, and the whole country." He folds his arms over his chest, and waits for Jared to say what he came here to say.

But Jared stays quiet. He shuffles some more in place, and then he cards his fingers through his hair, avoiding looking Jensen in the face. When Dean carefully pads over to Jared, and bumps his head against Jared's thigh, his eyes flicker from the floor to the husky, and then finally up to Jensen's face.

Jared looks tired. There are dark rings under his eyes that make him look like someone socked him,. The defeated air that surrounds the usually happy and bright person, has Jensen want to make Jared smile again.

"I was hoping that it would prove to you that I'm not hiding you away. That my lack of response to the whole drama surrounding my friendship with Genevieve was not due to some love affair, but because it never occurred to me that you would believe the stories." Jared starts to take a step closer to Jensen, but then stops. The insecurity that Jensen gets to witness is painful to watch.

Jensen rubs his neck and exhales loudly. What should he do now? He wants to hug Jared and tell him that everything will turn out okay, but at the same time he doesn't want to continue the way they've been going. Something has to change, and it's clear that, even though they are not too good with the couple thing, being apart is hell on both of them as well.

"Jared, I just don't know." And there's nothing more he says after that. How can he expect Jared to make things right, when he himself doesn't really know what to do? Jensen had accused Jared of cheating on him, which he apparently didn't. He had said that Jared hides him away and that no-one knows about them, that is no longer true as well. Still, Jensen is not sure that they should just continue where they left off.

"Please give me a chance to prove myself." There's more than a hint of desperation in Jared's voice and Jensen cringes at the sound of it. It just doesn't seem right. "I know that last fall and winter I was barely around, and that I was not easy to get along with, but I will make up for that. Work was just so intense and stressful, and I took you for granted. Not trying hard enough to keep up with you and what was going on in your life. You changed so much for me, and I still feel so guilty for having you abandon your world of snow and ice, just so you can be closer to me."

"Jared." Jensen sighs. "I told you back then, and I'll tell you again, my work at the compound was done, and I wouldn't have considered moving to California if I hadn't been okay with it."

"But–" Jared starts to protest, but Jensen just shakes his head, signaling to Jared that he doesn't want to hear anything about it.

"I wanted to come to San Francisco, and I like living here." He raises an eyebrow, daring Jared to object. When nothing is coming he continues. "Jared, I want to be honest with you. I like you. A lot. During high school I thought that you hung the moon and the stars, and there was nothing and no-one more important and awesome than you. When I saw you again for the first time, years after graduation, I discovered that my feelings for you had not lessened, and even though they had matured, they still were the same. Last summer, when you asked me to consider your offer, you also said that I would take it, and you were right. There never really was any doubt that I wouldn't give us a try. But when reality collided with that dream, it became clear all too soon, that we were not working out."

Jared opens his mouth but Jensen just glares at him until he closes it again.

"I know that we are both at fault, and I also know that you'll try your best to correct what you did wrong the first time around, but I have to better myself as well. That's why I can't just forgive you and continue where we left off." He sees the worry in Jared's eyes and he recognizes the frantic desperation in which Jared is thinking of what to do, how he can prevent what is coming. "I can't and won't get back together with you."

At this Jared actually keens softly. "Jensen, please. I know that I can change, and I'm asking you, no, I'm begging you, to give me another chance."

The thing is, that deep down, Jensen wants to give him another chance, wants to see if they actually might work out this time. But he remembers the warnings he got from his friends, reminds himself of all the times that he had been hurt by Jared's actions.

His thoughts are apparently seen on his face, because when he makes to answer Jared's plea, Jared steps up to him, and takes him in a bone-crushing hug. "Don't say no."

Jensen's thrown by the gesture, and all the arguments he'd been preparing in his mind are suddenly gone. He realizes that even though Jensen had been the one making all the obvious changes, Jared had been making lots of unnoticed sacrifices himself, not forgetting coming out on TV.

After a second of hesitation, Jensen hugs Jared back. The feeling of wrapping his arms around Jared's shoulders, and inhaling his scent is something that he doesn't want to miss. He just can't imagine what he would do without Jared in his life.

"We'll give it a try." And Jensen is determined that they will make it work this time. He had been overly cautious and suspicious from the beginning, never truly believing that they might work out. Not this time. This time they will make it.

"Thank you." The words are murmured against his neck, the breath tickling his skin. "I can do better, and I will."

Jensen just nods and holds on to Jared. They will both do better. When he finally lets go of Jared, taking a step back, he looks down, the weight of Jared's eyes too much for him. He startles slightly when Jared grabs his chin, raising it so their eyes meet.

"Don't." Jensen starts to get nervous. The emotions are too strong, and even though he's composed most of the time, even Jensen can be overwhelmed. "I want to see your face, so I know what you're thinking and feeling."

"Dude." Jensen can't help but blush at the embarrassing statement, and his reaction has Jared smile.

"Yeah, I know. Totally chick flick, but in my line of work I've had to say stuff like that.." Jared grins. "I can even say some cheesier things if you want me to."

At this Jensen rolls his eyes. "Say more of this shit and I'll reconsider my decision."

The grip Jared has on his chin gentles, and the fingers start to stroke over his face, having Jensen's eyes flutter closed for a second. The touch of fingers brushing over his pulse point has Jensen shiver.

"You know, just because I said we'll give it another try doesn't mean that I'm easy." His voice is breathy, catching at the last word when Jared leans closer and kisses his throat. "God."

"Never thought you're easy." The fingers are now tugging at Jensen's t-shirt, playing with the hem of it. His words are spoken against Jensen's skin, and the sensation has his heart and breathing speed up. It is such a turn on.

"I should make you woo me. Have you work for it." Jensen tries to at least sound coherent, but Jared's lips all over his throat makes it kind of hard. In more ways than one.

The sudden disappearance of said lips has Jensen growl with protest, but Jared just holds him in place (more like pinned against the door) His pupils blown, gaze determined, "You want me to go out on dates with you?"

"Well, no, not really dates like with a girl." Hearing Jared talk about it, makes it sound stupid. Jensen rubs his neck and looks down.

"Hey, I can do that." Jared is suddenly all excited about the idea, grinning stupidly at Jensen. "How about after you come back from Ecuador? There's a movie premiere in LA, one of Chad's movies. We could go there together."

Jensen stares at Jared speechlessly for a second before he finds his words again. "Uh, are you sure about that?"

Somehow Jensen can't picture himself walking down a red carpet together with Jared, all those famous actors and actresses dressed up to the nine, standing right next to him. He's going to embarrass Jared. For sure. Step on someone's dress, or bump into some guy. Maybe this dating thing isn't really all that important.

"Why shouldn't I be sure about it?" Jared actually seems to be confused by the question. He scrunches his nose and blinks a couple of times. Jensen thinks that it's kind of obvious why Jared might want to reconsider.

"Well, I'm not really the right person to go to a movie premiere with." At this, Jared frowns at him.

"Why? Don't you like movies?"

"Uh, no, but–" Jensen never gets to finish his argument before Jared goes on.

"Don't you like Chad?" The questioning has Jensen getting rather desperate, trying to get his point across.

"I like Chad, but–"

"I don't see any reason for you not to come with me then." The finality with which Jared concludes their discussion has Jensen sigh. There's nothing he can say to that.

"Okay." His surrender has Jared smile brightly at him. Like Jensen just made his day, and all he did was agree to go to a movie premiere with him. It doesn't take much to make Jared happy, and Jensen decides that he'll do his best to do the little things that do.

Dean, who has been watching their making up, is now pressing close to them, rubbing his head against Jared's thigh, and whining happily. The husky had been missing Jared and his dogs. More than once Jensen had found Dean watching the door, as if checking if maybe one of the three would come for an unexpected visit.

"What are you going to do with Dean while you're in Ecuador?" Jared indulgently scratches the dog behind the ears, having Dean close his eyes blissfully.

"Tom and Mike will take him." His friends had decided that since so many reporters are camping outside Jensen's home, it would be better to take Dean to their place. Even Mrs. (Mrs. Gabbles) will be feeding the cats at her house, and not at Jensen's. The neighbors have been very understanding and helpful so far.

"How about Dean staying with me for the month you're spending in the jungle?" The question takes him by surprise, and Jensen ponders the idea for a second before he decides that it has merit. Dean would love to stay with Jared and play with Sadie and Harley.

"How is Dean going to get to your place?" Jensen doesn't have the time to drive down to LA and back up to San Francisco before he leaves. His flight leaves from here and he has to meet with the rest of the expedition members in town.

Jared fidgets and his eyes flicker from Jensen to Dean. He mumbles something that Jensen can't make out properly.

"What?"

"Uh, I drove here. I've got my car parked outside." At this Jensen shakes his head in amusement. He hadn't noticed Jared's truck, but then again his priority had been to get Jared away from the annoying hoard of reporters --not to search for Jared's car.

"You were pretty sure I'd accept your apology, huh?" He's not angry though. It's actually rather endearing how Jared had planned on letting Dean stay with him to begin with.

"Let's say, I was hopeful." Dean barks at them, and trots of to the kitchen. For the husky, it's clear that the humans are no longer fighting and that means that they have more time for him. Starting right now.

"At least someone has his priorities right." They both laugh at that, and follow the husky out of the hall. In the kitchen they find Dean stuffing his face with kibble. The dog doesn't even have the shame to interrupt his devouring of the food from his bowl.

"One would think I'm starving him." Jensen rolls his eyes, and gets a huge bag from under the sink. He puts it on the kitchen counter, and starts to jug all kinds of things he finds, and that are Dean's, into it. When he wants to add some food cans, Jared stops him.

"Dude, I have enough food for a pack of starving wolves. You don't have to pack any." Together they get everything together that is needed, and stack the bag next to the door. The leash is the last thing to be added to it.

"You need the kennel?" Jared just shakes his head.

"No, I got one of my own, and it's already installed into the back of the truck." Which is good thinking on Jared's part. Carrying the kennel to the car, and setting it up, while being surrounded by reporters might have proven a tad difficult.

"Great." Now that everything is packed, Jensen doesn't know what to do.

"How about I stay some more, and leave in the evening?" The thought of Jared having to drive through the whole night, has Jensen frown. It's like asking to be involved in a traffic accident. He doesn't like the idea at all.

"How about you stay the night, and drive tomorrow morning." At this Jared perks up, grinning excitedly. Leave it to Jared to think about what could be implied with this comment. "Stop the grinning. We'll just wait and see where this is going tonight."

"Sure." The shrug and the answer are innocent enough, but Jensen can't help but frown at him. He knows Jared too well, to take everything at face value with him.

Jared just grins some more, and then heads to the living room. "Let's watch a movie."

After a second, Jensen follows him, grabbing two beers from the fridge as he passes. A relaxing evening with beer and a movie sounds perfect. He finds Jared sprawled on the couch, taking up far more space than he should.

Plopping down next to Jared (or more like on top of him), Jensen wedges between Jared and the couch, and hands him an opened bottle. "Move, you freaky giant."

With a snort Jared shuffles around and then Jensen is suddenly wrapped into a full body embrace. Jared's chin lays down on top of his head, and his long arms tighten around Jensen. "I like this."

"What a surprise, octopus." But Jensen grins as well, and settles into the embrace.

He reaches for the remote control and switches the TV on, there's a DVD he started a couple of days ago still in the player. Jensen presses play and the movie starts rolling.


End file.
